Dear, Coleen

MY WHAM BAM LOVER SAYS SEX IS BORING

My boyfriend and I have been together about three years and our sex life has taken a dive.

We had a few drinks the other night and started talking about it, which is a step forward, but although he claims “sex is boring”, his attitude seemed to be it was up to me to sort it.

My complaint is that he never takes any time over it – a classic case of “wham, bam, thank you, m’am”. So I’m often left frustrated and have to indulge in some solo pleasure afterwards.

He’s so arrogant that I just don’t know where to start sorting this out with him. Any ideas?

Coleen says

Well, if sex is boring for him, then why isn’t he doing anything to liven it up? It’s a two-way thing – he can’t just blame you or leave you to sort it out on your own.

It doesn’t sound as if he told you why he thought it was boring or came up with any ideas on how to make it less boring – that would be a good place to start.

If you’ve been dating a while, you can get into a sex rut where things feel a bit routine, but you both need to take responsibility if you’re to get out of it.

Talk to him about what would make it better for you – slowing down, taking time for foreplay and so on, and listen to what he has to say. You have to make the effort for each other instead of playing the blame game.

Also, telling each other what you like when you’re in the moment can be really sexy – and it’ll help him slow down and break away from the usual moves.

It’s good you’ve had an initial conversation, so build from that and keep communicating.