Dear Coleen

I was widowed 15 years ago, and a couple of years after my husband died I reconnected with an old friend and we became partners and are now married.

He’s a wonderful man and my life with him is great.

My problem is my four grown-up children who behave around my husband as if they barely tolerate him. He’s always been amazing with them – never pushy, but around to help if needed.

It’s his 70th birthday this summer, so I’ve started to plan a family party where we can all reunite and celebrate with my husband.

I’ve been in touch with my two daughters and two sons and got a lukewarm response from them all.

One son even claimed to be busy, which I don’t believe, as surely no one has plans yet after months in lockdown and continuing uncertainty over holidays?

My kids hero worship their late dad, which I don’t think is entirely healthy and I think it stops them from forming any kind of proper relationship with my husband. Their children on the other hand love their

“papa” to bits and have really missed him over lockdown.

I know all of this makes my husband sad, but he never complains because he doesn’t want to upset me. I just wish my kids would grow up and give him a chance and realise he makes me happy.

Do you have any advice?

Coleen says

I think this is really sad, especially after being separated from family for months – and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said you wish your kids would grow up.

Of course they miss their father and no guy is going to replace him, but they should understand your right to happiness and they should appreciate their stepdad for making you happy again, and for everything he does for you – and for your grandchildren by the sounds of it.

Can you force your kids to like your husband? No, but I think you can force them to listen to how you feel about their shoddy treatment of him and how important it is to you – and for the family as a whole - that they show up to the party.

It’s not only about your hubby, it’s about you. Their attitude is upsetting you, and I’m sure you’ve lost some respect for them. You’re not asking them to treat him like a father, but you are asking for respect and kindness and to give him a chance. In fact, you should demand it.

They behave as if they can barely tolerate him