Dear Coleen

DAUGHTER HAS DECIDED SHE HATES ME

I’m a woman in my 40s and I’m married with one daughter who is aged 10. Home schooling was a nightmare over the latest lockdown and she and I had numerous arguments.

My biggest problem is, she seems to have decided she hates me and is only interested in her dad. She wants him to do everything for her and she’s rude and verbally aggressive whenever she speaks to me.

In fact, even if I just ask her something, she’ll snap back at me. I’m at the end of my tether with this attitude – she used to be so sweet! Can you help?

Coleen says

Her hormones are starting to kick in at this age, which might be partly where the attitude is coming from. She’s growing up, she’s discovering who she is and she’s testing the boundaries in a new way. But it’s not nice to be on the receiving end of this and you have to reassert your authority.

I think it’s really important that you and your husband are united on this to nip her ‘divide and conquer’ approach in the bud.

He needs to back you up and make it clear to her that he won’t put up with the way she talks to you.

And there should be consequences, as there would be with a younger child – maybe it’s saying no to online games or calls with her friends if she’s rude. Don’t just threaten consequences, but take action and be consistent. And don’t be tempted to give in for an easy life.

You should also try to talk to her gently about anything troubling her that might account for her change in behaviour.

She might be worried about friendship issues or being back at school after lockdown.