He only cares for willy Shakespeare
TIMING is everything. Another few minutes, and Boris Johnson’s wife might have caught him with his mistress in their family home.
Another few weeks of successful vaccine rollout, and Boris Johnson’s country might have forgotten the true measure of the man.
The Mirror’s Jennifer Arcuri world exclusive has come at the perfect moment. Just when we were feeling grateful – as jab success takes centre stage, nudging his pitiful pandemic performance into the background – a reminder that we’ve all been screwed by Boris Johnson. As poet Maya Angelou famously said: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”
This is a bloke with such little respect for the mother of four of his children that he not only cheats on her, he can’t even be bothered to travel anywhere to do it. He doesn’t cover his tracks, but s***s where he eats, just before she gets home.
He has sex on the family sofa with someone who takes a sneaky selfie in the kitchen – ie fully expects a time to come when she’ll need proof she was there.
That same sofa is where his kids sat – yesterday? That morning? Straight afterwards? – to watch telly. If only we could have been vaccinated so we were immune to the traumatic mental images Jennifer’s tell-all has left us with. Lost socks, limp pasta, and – Et tu,
Boris? – pretentious Shakespeare chat as foreplay. What light through yonder window breaks? Well hopefully not the headlamps on your wife’s car, eh?
Jennifer Arcuri had to text Johnson afterwards to tell him to wash the plates they’d eaten off, take out the bin bag she’d thrown her tights away in. Even at the height of her feelings for the man she was “enchanted” with, she still knew he was either too stupid or too arrogant to work out that he needed to remove the evidence from the scene of the crime.
Jennifer was awarded a total of £126,000 – coincidentally a pound for every coronavirus victim who has died so far on Boris’ watch – in public money. She was also given privileged access – not a euphemism – to three official trips that just so happened to be led by one Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson.
Jennifer has always insisted Mr Johnson had no influence on this.
Maybe one man’s overseas trade mission is another man’s dirty weekend. Oh, paid for with taxpayer’s money, let’s not forget.
He seems to have had that one on us. Thrice. The Greater London Authority are conducting an inquiry into Johnson’s conduct.
The vaccine programme in this country is unarguably a triumph. It’s an unlikely, brilliant relief – a huge achievement we didn’t dare to dream of even a few bleak months ago.
S’pose it’s not really a surprise that Boris has finally found something he do, and that it’s can sticking things in people.
But it does not, cannot, erase the pain, suffering and loss his woeful incompetence has been directly responsible for. The catalogue of mistakes, the infuriating conceit, the carelessness, the poor planning, the apparent shady deals with Tory cronies, the billions of pounds wasted without consequence ( for him).
And finally, he thanked the NHS staff who completely literally saved his life by refusing to give them a pay rise.
So he either screws you, or screws you over. Or both.
Jennifer Arcuri says that married Johnson openly kissed her in public, telling her: “I don’t care.”
No, he doesn’t. About any of us.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
So Boris either screws you, or screws you over. Or both.