HUBBY’S LACK OF AMBITION IS CAUSING STRESS

I have a great partner and he’s also a really good dad to our two kids. However, we’re under a lot of stress financially because he’s in and out of work all the time and hasn’t had a proper job for a few years.

To be honest, when his friends were building careers, he was behaving like he was still at uni and had all the time in the world.

Now he’s in his late 40s and it’s not easy at that age to start again and earn decent money.

I’m finding it hard to deal with because I resent him for it, but at the same time I really love him and he’s a fantastic person. I don’t know how to change my mindset and not blame him for not doing better in terms of work. I’d love some advice.

Coleen says

Not everyone is ambitious in a personal or financial sense, and it sounds to me as if his strengths lie in other areas – he’s a caring, proactive parent and a loving partner. So, I think when you talk to him, tell him how much you appreciate those good things, but that you feel worried and insecure about your future because of the financial stress on the family.

And the truth is, if this can’t be resolved in some way, then it will ultimately put a lot of stress on your marriage, which will overtake all the good stuff.

It sounds like you have a good marriage, so have a sit-down conversation, explaining that you need a plan for your future.

Tell him you’re happy to help him with job searches or career information, and remind him of all his positive qualities.

Maybe he lacks confidence. If you carry on avoiding it and not addressing these issues, they will come back to bite you.