Pal I supported dropped me when she got her new bloke

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my 30s and have a very good friend I’ve supported a lot over the years, as she was in an emotionally abusive marriage. I took her and her kids in with me at one point and I’ve always been there for her.

Thankfully, she left her husband and they got divorced, but it was still tough for her afterwards, getting back on her feet and coping with two children on her own.

Now she’s met someone else and he’s actually a really nice and decent bloke. However, since they got together a few months ago, she’s dropped me like a hot brick and whenever I do see her, her new partner is always there.

She’ll say: “do you mind if J comes, too?”, and what can I say? I can’t say no after all she’s been through.

I’m happy for her and don’t want to put a spanner in the works – she deserves to be with someone lovely – but I would like to see her on her own once in a while and I worry that our friendship doesn’t mean as much to her as it does to me.

What would you do?

I would let her have her moment. She probably thought she’d never meet anyone lovely after what she’s been through. I get that it’s difficult when you’ve been there for her through thick and thin, and been the person to prop her up, then she meets someone and you don’t see her for dust.

But since I met someone through a dating app a few months ago after being on my own for a long time post-divorce, I’ve kind of been on your friend’s side of things – and it is a juggling act. People are thrilled for me but, equally, I have been guilt-tripped a bit as well because I’m just not around as much as I used to be.

But I think it’s fine to say to your friend: “I’m so happy you’ve met this man and I think he’s great, but I would love it if just you and I could go out sometimes and catch up because I miss seeing you”. You’ve been through a lot together and I’m sure she’ll take it in the spirit it’s intended.

Also, your friend is in that really intense bit of a relationship when you can’t bear to be apart from your new love, but that will settle down in time and I’m sure she’ll be more available to see you and her other mates.

Whenever I do see her now he’s always there