Can’t stand my mother-in-law who is set to move in with us

My husband wants his mother to sell her house and live with us. She has mobility issues, but other than that she’s pretty healthy and very sharp mentally. There are no practical reasons why we couldn’t do it – our house is big enough and we can manage financially, but the problem is I don’t like her and I’m pretty sure the feeling is mutual.

I feel awful being so harsh about a woman in her 70s, but she’s not warm or likeable and has never made any effort with me at all in the 12 years I’ve been married to her son. I’ve always got the feeling she puts up with me for his sake.

My husband accepts that she can be difficult, but says she’s still his mum and he worries about her. Also, his two siblings aren’t in a position to look after her – one lives in a small rented flat and the other lives abroad with her family. My father-in-law died a few years ago, leaving her a widow, so she’s been on her own since.

I just don’t think living with us will go well. Am I a bad person?

I’d love your advice.

She’s made no effort with me in 12 years of my marriage

Coleen says

I don’t think you’re a bad person, I think you’re just being honest and concerned about how it’s going to work when you don’t get along.

I guess there has to be compromise – could his mum move nearer to you, so your hubby can be there quickly to help her if she needs him?

Could your house be divided in some way or could she have her own space so you are able to get away from each other?

I think it should be a discussion between you and your husband rather than a done deal. Explain that you and his mum clash, so you don’t know how it’ll be living under the same roof, and that you should at least talk about options.

I think it’s great that your husband wants to look after his mum, but it is important to consider the impact it could have on your relationship and family life.

It’s a big step and living together day in, day out can cause big issues, even when you do get along. If you already know the relationship is difficult, you can expect it’s not going to be plain sailing.