The Likely Lards who liven up the Cup
MIKE WALTERS INSIDE FOOTBALL... AND OUTSIDE THE BOX
THEY call themselves the Lardy Army and their calling card is – wait for it – a block of lard.
When they burst into song behind the goal, their repertoire includes that well-known football anthem, No Surrender To The Low Fat Spread.
As tokens of esteem, they send opposing chairmen bars of lard, packaged in tupperware and announcing themselves as the APF, AntiPolyunsaturated Faction.
Their hard core includes a postman, an archaeologist, a wine salesman and a pilot. If there is a more gloriously madcap group of supporters than Horsham’s Lardy Army on parade in the FA Cup first round, let’s see their colours.
Howay the lards? Ahead of a thankless 700-mile round
trip to Cumbria, the Isthmian League Premier division strugglers’ loyal wing have sent Carlisle United’s longserving chairman Andrew Jenkins – a butcher by trade – their signature gift.
For Horsham’s Lardy
Army, setting out on the redeye 5.41am train or coaches departing from deepest Sussex at 5.30am, it will be a lard day’s night. But win, lose or replay, they will have a blast at Brunton Park. And, probably, a kebab.
Come and have a go if you think you’re lard enough?
“We are not ultras, nor a hooligan faction, and our signature gifts through the post are acts of friendship, not intimidation,” said long-serving member John Dalby, 44, a finance officer with the National Grid.
“Our ethos is based on self-deprecation and good humour, not confrontation or malice.
“It started 25 years ago when a group of like-minded Horsham fans who enjoy lager, takeaway food and football formed an alliance in the laddish era when Men Behaving Badly was on TV.
“You don’t need to go to every game home and away to be a fully-qualified Lardy.
We come from different backgrounds with varying demands on our time.
“And you don’t need to have a generous waistline. It’s fair to say we come in all shapes and sizes. It’s an ethos, not a physicality, rooted in a culture of beer, pies, burgers, chips – all the finest foods you associate with matchdays – but in no way are we thumbing our noses at healthy eating. Lard is an unusual concept as a force for unity, and for some it just doesn’t make any sense, but it’s a way of life that brings a group of people together at 3pm on Saturday.”
These days, the lard doesn’t come out to play every week at the Camping World Community Stadium, but it is prominent on Cup runs. At the shock fourth-qualifying-round win against Woking, visiting manager Alan Dowson happily posed for photos with the Lardies before kick-off and was not inhibited by the blocks of lard arranged on top of the away dugout like 10 green bottles.
But their humour has not always been interpreted as friendship.
At an FA Cup tie two years ago, Met Police confiscated the bar of lard placed on their dugout as a suspect package, and one of the faction’s earliest excursions turned into a diplomatic incident.
Another founder member, David Rick, explained in his potted history of the group: “As an introduction to
Horsham’s Lardy Boys, a bar of lard was sent to every chairman of forthcoming away matches.
“We had an away league match in Hungerford in October 1996 and Paul Oxley sent his usual bar of lard as a sort of calling card to say we were on our way.
“The chairman of Hungerford received the package (nothing aggressive, it was sent in a tupperware box) and opened it to find a bar of lard with a simple note saying it was sent by the HFC APF.
“Unfortunately, the chairman was a rotund gentleman who took the gift as a personal insult, which made the whole thing even more hilarious for us.
“He came out of the boardroom with the lard in his hand asking whether this was from us…we just cracked up.
“He did complain to our late chairman, Frank King, who asked: ‘Who are these Lardy Boys?’ And that’s how the name stuck.”