IS IT TOO SOON TO MOVE IN WITH HIM?

Dear Coleen

I’m a woman in my early 30s and I met a lovely guy in May, and we’ve been dating since then. I’ve been single for a couple of years and he’s divorced with a young son. His ex had an affair, which is why the marriage ended, and she’s now with the other man.

My dilemma is, he’s keen for us to move in together, but it feels too soon to me. I own my own place and he’s living in a rented flat, which he doesn’t like much and that’s probably part of the reason why he’s keen to move on.

He’s suggested I rent out my place and we move into a bigger rented house together.

I really like him, maybe even love him, I’ve met his friends and his parents and he’s a good guy, but I don’t see what the rush is. Am I being too cautious?

Coleen says

I think if your gut instinct is telling you it’s too soon, then hold off for a bit. Why not set a timeline to look for a place – say, in the new year?

The time after which it’s “acceptable” for a couple to move in together is totally variable, but it has to feel right.

Maybe being single for a while and living on your own has made you overly cautious, so that’s something to consider. Maybe you’re just a bit nervous or afraid of taking this next step.

I actually think his plan is a sensible one, whenever you do it. It means you’re not giving up your place, so if things didn’t work out, you’d have a home to go back to.

Living together can be the first real test of a relationship, so it could help you to work out if it will work long-term.

As long as you’re honest with him and can talk about how you move forward with the relationship, I don’t see the problem. He might just want to live with you because he’s crazy about you.

Even if his current flat isn’t great, I’m sure he could find a better one on his own, and he’s not asking to live at your place.