Needy boyfriend expects me to act like his mother
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a couple of years and we moved in together about a year ago. I do love him, but I have a huge problem with the relationship because he gets so jealous and sulks if I’m not there for him.
He gets like this if I see friends, colleagues, even my mum, and I’m just not used to being with someone who relies on me so much.
We got a puppy six months ago and he even gets jealous and whiney if I spend too much time with her.
With previous boyfriends, we’ve had independent lives, as well as a life together, which in my book is normal and healthy. I hate his clinginess!
I think his mum’s to blame, or at least his relationship with her. He’s her only son – he has three sisters – and she fusses over him so much I feel nauseous in their company.
Whenever we go round there she treats him like a prince, ferrying him cups of tea, plumping up his cushions and hanging on his every word.
Can I do anything about this or am I fighting a losing battle?
Coleen says
Well, it seems like he expects you to step into his mother’s shoes, which is irritating and not very sexy.
I think you might be fighting a losing battle when it comes to changing his mum’s behaviour, so I wouldn’t even try. However, you could keep your visits to the in-laws to a minimum so you don’t have to be irritated by it. I’m sure he’ll love having his mum all to himself !
Also, you don’t have to pander to him. Don’t indulge his behaviour, and tell him directly that you feel suffocated by his constant need for attention. Just because you walk the dog or phone a friend doesn’t mean you don’t love him!
Of course, it’s healthier for your relationship to have a life and interests outside of each other, and you have to make it clear that you’re not going to take on his mum’s role.
I think unless you confront these issues now and change the pattern of behaviour, the relationship won’t last.
You don’t say how old you both are or if he’s had a serious relationship in the past, but it sounds as if he has a bit of growing up to do. And you don’t want to end up in a situation where you have a child and he’s jealous of all the time you spend with the baby.