PARENTS’ MESSY MARRIAGE MAKES ME SAD

Dear Coleen

My parents’ married life is a mess. They’re both in their late 40s and I think they’re having some sort of joint midlife crisis.

They had me when they were only 22 and my brother came along two years later, so they had a lot of responsibility early on.

They party a lot and drink too much, but the worst thing is, they also mess about with other people.

My mum is a massive flirt and I know she’s had flings with other men. My dad left her for four months and moved in with a local girl who’s not much older than I am. Obviously, it didn’t last.

I resent them and feel like I have to be the adult, but mostly I just avoid them. Their behaviour has also turned me off relationships and I just can’t commit, even if I really like the person. Please help!

Coleen says

Firstly, don’t judge your future on your parents’ marriage.

This is not how most marriages work and you cannot avoid having a relationship in case your partner is unfaithful or you break up. None of us know how things will go when we get into a relationship.

I’d tell your parents how you feel – that you’re worried about them. I don’t think it’s fair as a parent to expose you to their affairs. They might be thinking that you and your brother are in your 20s and you’re adults now, but you’re still their children and you have every right to tell them how you’re feeling about it all.

We think we know what goes on in people’s relationships, but we don’t and maybe your parents have an open marriage situation going on. You can only decide what’s right for you and if you don’t want what they have, then you’ve learned something.

I think it would be a shame if you close yourself off to finding love because of this.