HUBBY UPSET OVER SON’S TRANSITION
Dear Coleen
My 18-year-old son wants to transition and has been dressing as a woman for some time.
He told us how he felt about it a year ago, and while I’ve accepted it and did lots of research so I can support her, my husband has taken it really badly.
He loves our child, of course, but he can’t get his head around it and I think he somehow blames himself for things he didn’t do or should have done. I keep telling him it’s not about us and how we raised her, but it’s difficult for him.
They get on fine and there’s been no nastiness or arguments, but I just don’t think my husband knows how to be with her. I call her my daughter now, and she’s decided to move out and live with a friend, which makes me sad, but I hope it’ll give us all the chance to
Coleen says
Firstly, I think it’s fantastic how you’re supporting your daughter and that she felt able to tell you, which is a really hard thing to do when you don’t know how people will react. I think it’ll probably take your husband time and it’s not that he doesn’t love her, but maybe he feels a sense of loss for the child he raised or finds it difficult to be open with friends and family.
But the important thing is, he hasn’t rejected her, he’s just not accepting it as easily as you have. It doesn’t mean he won’t.
Share information with him and talk about it together. Emphasise that your daughter can now be the person she has always wanted to be and can stop living a lie that sadly so many people still feel they have to.
There are plenty of great support organisations online. Start with FFLAG, a charity that helps families of LGBT+ children and helps them to understand, accept and support them (www.fflag.org.uk).