If i ignore her she might self-harm

Dear Coleen

My friend likes telling me her problems and she also likes to criticise me and put me down. But if I try to share my feelings or offer her some constructive criticism, she doesn’t like it and I know she self-harms and has been suicidal in the past.

I’ve had enough now and I don’t want to know her any more, but I’m worried that if I tell her that she might do something terrible like try to take her own life. I don’t want to feel responsible for that.

What should I do?

Coleen says

She needs support from a doctor and a counsellor. You can’t give her the help she needs and it’s unfair of her to expect you to provide it.

I think you have to tell her that while you want to be there for her and you can listen, you’re not a therapist or a doctor, so it’s impossible for you to come up with solutions.

You can do some research with her online and even accompany her to the doctor for moral support, but you’re not qualified to advise her.

I hope she’s not threatening to harm herself – that’s a terrible thing to put on another person and of course it’s going to make you feel very worried.

Does she have any family or other friends that you can share this with, so there’s a network of people supporting her instead of just you?

Maybe she feels that you’re the only person she can confide in – but the best thing you can do is encourage her to get the right help.

You don’t have to tell her you don’t want to be friends with her any more and cut the cord completely, but you can take a step back from the relationship and start to think about your own wellbeing, too.