SHOULD I BOTHER WITH SELFISH MATE?

Dear Coleen

I don’t know what to do about my friendship with my best mate. It’s so one-sided – me doing all the giving and running around and her doing all the taking.

This was highlighted recently when I had to have an op, which was fairly minor, but I was still nervous about it. She didn’t get in touch to say good luck or to ask me how it had gone.

She also knows I’m having lots of issues with my son, who has ADHD, and it’s been very stressful dealing with his school.

But she never wants to listen and just bangs on about her own life and her many problems, yet I always listen and offer support and advice.

I’m beginning to think that she’s just incredibly selfish and inconsiderate, but don’t know if I should make a thing out of it. I’d love your opinion.

Coleen says

I think it really comes down to how much you value her friendship and whether you want to stick in there and fight for it, and hope she listens to how you feel, or whether you’d rather just back away.

Friendships do change, depending on where you are in your life, and sometimes you can simply outgrow each other.

The other thing is, she might have a lot going on in her own life – maybe even things she hasn’t told you about – and that’s why she’s not as present.

But if you’re genuinely good friends, you should be able to say something to her without it being confrontational and causing an argument. It’s about how you say it.

So avoid accusing her or being angry, but just try to have an honest conversation. If she doesn’t respond to that in the way you’d hoped, then maybe it’s time to move on.