Let’s do this together

Day 5,113 of The Dark Lord winding me up at home began with another gum bomb.

My eyes had barely had a chance to focus, but when I did, the first thing I saw was the offending piece of grey half-chewed gum sticking out of my rattan headboard.

Jumping out of bed, I went to shout at her, but she was already giggling and running down the stairs. Then I spotted what she had done to the loo roll – it was like the Dulux puppy had taken it for a run around the house.

I made her remove the gum and roll the paper back up, which means lumpy bog roll all week now.

“OK, enough practical jokes. It was all lolz at first but now you’re getting on my nerves,” I said.

She smirked. “There are still some you haven’t found yet.”

Just then the postie stuck a parcel through the letter box, and The Dark Lord opened it.

“Oh no!” she cried, pulling out some small brightly coloured boxes.

TDL has taken a sudden interest in cooking again, which is a worry because only yesterday I saw her lick a pair of scissors she’d used to cut open a maple syrup sachet.

A week ago she ordered a sample pack of a new meal box, and told me with great enthusiasm: “It’s only £1, so it’s a bargain.”

Then the penny dropped.

“It was £1 because they only sent sauce sachets and recipes,” she said.

I told her: “And we already have most of those sauces in bottles. Try reading the offer next time, pinhead.” But she won’t – that would require effort.

■ Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.