Let’s do this together

The possibility of The Dark Lord being unleashed on the wider public has suddenly moved a lot closer this week with news that Year 10 are applying for sixth form college places – and doing practice interviews.

As one of the student cohort taking their mock GCSEs this summer, starting with the first early triple science tests next month, TDL is being coached how to write letters to potential heads of college as part of her personal development lessons.

Sticking one of them under my nose yesterday morning, she said, “What do you think?”

After the first usual lines of formal “Dear Sir/ Madam, I am writing etc” correspondence, I read the next few lines aloud. “I have always found the field of education fascinating and rewarding.”

I lowered the letter, raised one eyebrow and asked her, “If you found the field of education so fascinating, why do you spend so much time avoiding it?”

She rolled her eyes at me, “It’s just a letter, stop reading so much into it.”

I carried on, “‘I have acquired the skills to work well with other people’. Well that’s a big fat lie – you hate everyone.”

I went back to her letter. “‘I am highly motivated’. Er… yes, highly motivated at bunking off PE, faking illness and stealing lab apparatus.”

She went to grab the letter from my hands, but I’d found the best bit. Shrieking with laughter, I read loudly, “‘I have a mature mindset’. Sorry – is this the same person who refuses to wear a coat when it’s –2 degrees outside because, and I quote, ‘It makes me look like a neek’?”

I don’t think TDL believes me when I say her future college or employer will expect applicants to have a basic understanding of cold weather protocols, such as not freezing to death in the street, but she still insists on just wearing a thin blazer to school.

She signed the letter off with, “I truly thank you for your time and kind consideration. Yours sincerely, illegible squiggle.”

“Well,” she asked. “What do you think?”

I handed it back and told her truthfully, “It’s fine – if you want to get a job in the 19th century. Maybe drop the fawning and flourishes? Unless your future boss is a cruel factory owner.”

She sniggered, “No, but my teacher is!”

■ Email siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.

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