AFTER WRITER SAYS BOSSES TO BLAME

Blackadder

Baldrick: I have a plan, sir. Blackadder: Really, Baldrick? A cunning and subtle one? Baldrick: Yes, sir. Blackadder: As cunning as a fox who’s just been appointed

Professor of

Cunning at

Oxford

University?

Fawlty Towers

Basil Fawlty: Do you remember when we were first *manacled* together? We used to laugh quite a lot.

Sybil

Fawlty:

Yes, but not at the same time,

Basil.

Robin’s Nest

Robin Tripp: Can you fill up the salt please, Albert.

Albert Riddle: It’ll take me a while to get the salt through the hole. Robin Tripp: The bottom comes out. Albert Riddle: Don’t worry, I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen.

On The Buses

Arthur Rudge: Olive darling, I’ll take your knitting up for you. I know how you like a little knit in bed.

Stan Butler: Yeah, that’s why she married you!

Olive: I’ve been to see the doctor today and he told me I’m pregnant and said you’re going to have to do without your manly pleasures.

Arthur: I’m not going without my telly.

Dad’s Army

Pte Joe Walker: I thought you said I could have the night off, I’ve got a date.

L/Cpl Jack Jones: You’ve got to do your duty, she can wait. Pte Joe Walker: I know that she can wait but I can’t.

Only Fools & Horses

Del: Rodney, everything between you and I is split straight down the middle: 60-40.

Grandad: I don’t know why they have these drug addiction centres. Aren’t there enough drug addicts about as it is? Without them recruiting them.

The Vicar of Dibley

Owen Newitt: I am not a lunatic. I have the psychiatric report to prove it. A slender majority of the panel decided in my favour.

Letitia Cropley: The question is whether I bring the snails I’ve got for my new recipe.

Frank Pickle:

What recipe is that?

Letitia Cropley:

Bread and Butter

Pudding Surprise.

Men Behaving Badly

Gary Strang: Look at the fuss women make about childbirth. Now, I’m not saying it doesn’t smart a bit, but if blokes did it, I reckon you’d be looking at, what, give birth, have a couple of paracetamol, maybe a bit of a nap and then back to work within the hour.

Butterflies

Ria Parkinson:

Oh yes, of course, I’d forgotten.

Once we’re over 40 we’re too old to have actual emotions. Our hormones pack up and go leaving our mouths making mindless, hysterical noises.

Are You Being Served?

Mrs Slocombe: I won’t forget being thrown flat on my back on Clapham

Common by a landmine. And the German Air

Force was responsible.

Mr Lucas: All the other times she was flat on her back, the American

Air Force was responsible.