Let’s do this together
The rasp of the voice, the fake “cough-coughcough”, tells me it’s a Triday – the last day of the week when The Dark Lord tries to tee up a three-day weekend with a mystery 24-hour illness.
“There was nothing wrong with your throat when you were shrieking with laughter on the phone to your mates for hours till gone 10pm last night,” I said, looking very unconvinced.
Thing is with kids, it’s always either a sore throat, sore tummy or headache – the triumvirate of unexplained school illnesses that can never be disproved. As the weekend approaches, TDL is often suddenly stuck down by hypochondria, with the aid of a helpless school nurse.
“Take some paracetamol and go to school,” I tell her, knowing at least I can get a few hours of work in before she wangles her way out of class again.
When I was in school in the 1970s, they wouldn’t call your parents, even if your leg was hanging off – you had to sit in the sick bay until you got better. Which was usually miraculously quick because the nurse’s room was very dull.
When The Dark Lordette used to spend a few days a week in nursery, I’d get a call at work to come and pick her up because she had a runny nose. “But she’s had a snotty nose since the day she was born,” I’d complain. “It means her immune system is in good working order!”
I’m still getting calls from school nurses, “Hello TDL’s mum, I’m afraid she’s is in sick bay again.”
“Oh marvellous – what is it this time? Beriberi? Typhoid?” I’d ask in a deadpan voice.
“Nothing that exciting. She says she’s feeling sick and dizzy.”
“Hmmm sounds like the symptoms of double physics to me,” I’d tell her.
I did try ignoring it when the school nurse called my phone once, but it turned into a hospital emergency case and I never did that again. Which is really annoying because I just know she’s faking it the rest of the time.
I chuckled at her “sad face” when she came home early from school. I boasted, “You know, I have never once taken a day off work sick. I even worked while I had Covid.”
She looked at me, “Yes, because you work from home. If I could do lessons from my bed, I would.”
She fell right into my trap. “Oh I’m glad you’ve said that because your Latin teacher has just emailed to say you’re behind with your homework – you can do your assigned vocabulary quizlets now – from bed!”
Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.
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Blond and good looking, this spaniel is big in Oswestry.
“I love putting a coat or jumper on our seven-year-old King Charles cavalier, Zack,” says Pauline Little, from her Shropshire town.
The pampered pooch is spoilt for choice with his wardrobe of six sweaters.
“Zack loves going for a walk and we often get comments on how nice he looks,” says Pauline. “Not sure how much he likes wearing his sweaters though!”
Send your paw-traits to siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk