Let’s do this together

I only left The Dark Lord’s 15th birthday party for an hour – but returned home to find a scene straight out of Dante’s Inferno.

TDL is staying with a friend next weekend for a special DnD session on her actual birthday, so she asked to have a party at home last Saturday.

“It’s more of a gathering really,” she explained, which was her first big fat fib of the weekend.

“And everyone will be going home by 8ish,” which was her second.

I let parents know some cider would be available along with soft drinks and snacks.

And I made TDL swear on her mother’s life (which is always tricky) not to sneak in vodka, and that there would be no smoking, vaping or heavy petting in the house.

We cleared the downstairs sitting and dining rooms, and I disappeared up to my bedroom with the pets – but by 6pm I could stand the noise from the shrieking no longer.

I went to meet my mate, Elaine, at the local pub. “I can only stay for one,” she vowed. “I’m going to a spa tomorrow.”

In the end, we stayed for two, then walked our dogs back home. As we turned the corner, she said, “Isn’t that your house?”

I looked in horror as at least 10 teenagers were hanging round the front door, yelling and flicking fags all over the place.

Luckily most of them were heading home. “Oh hi, TDL’s mum,” said one of her school friends as I pushed past them, spotting a puddle of what looked suspiciously like vomit by the rose bush. I walked in to find loads of brightly-coloured empty cans of fruity pre-made cocktails scattered on every table surface.

The sweet smell made me feel queasy. Despite someone breaking the first commandment, ‘Thou shalt not sneak booze in’, TDL seemed pretty sober, but she was helping her friend Lottie throw up in the garden.

I made bowls of cheesy chips for the walking wounded, and ordered taxis for the ones whose parents couldn’t pick them up.

“What have I always told you?” I snapped at TDL later as we cleared up.

“Don’t mix your drinks. Then you sneak in pre-mixed puke cocktails. It’s lucky nobody got toxic shock from those cans.”

She argued: “It was only Lottie who was sick. What did you drink when you were a teenager?”

“Er… Pink Lady,” I admitted. “But to be fair, it was Blue Nun that made me vomit.”

■ Email me at siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.

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Yours, Siobhan