Let’s do this together

I’m finding it hard to type because Rocking Ronnie thinks my fingers on the keyboard are playing a game of catch.

So far I’ve lost several paragraphs and accidentally sent a text message to The Dark Lord from my laptop saying: “kh9t8dst5ab2”.

When Ronnie’s not chasing my fingers, he’s chewing my toes. I have basically turned into a giant kitten toy.

Normally, TDL ignores my messages, but she replied immediately: “Are you having a stroke?”

The bored teenager was doing her time in an unusually long detention after being caught on her phone in class.

I’d have banned her for a week and made her scrub something, like our fridge, which has become a health and safety risk since she started making her own meals. I’m enjoying the break from cooking for her every night, but I also don’t want to die from food poisoning.

Meanwhile, things are a bit calmer between Dan Dan and Ronnie since I’ve kept them apart – Ronnie works with me in the office during the day, while Dan Dan naps on my bed.

It’s going to take longer than I expected for them to bond – if ever – but the main thing is they both feel safe while their territories are carved up.

When TDL got home and I could hand her the kitten back, I read her the riot act.

“I found blood dripping on your food shelf,” I said sternly. “Do not leave half-opened bags of mince in the fridge or uncovered raw chicken. Bacteria could contaminate cooked meat, or drip down into the salad drawer, which in most fridges has been designed by a psychopath to be on the bottom.

I then opened the overflowing Tupperware kitchen drawer and thrust one of my 1,827 takeaway boxes into her hands.

“This is your best friend – decant meat and store it correctly. Salmonella should never be on your list of ingredients.”

Email siobhan.mcnally@mirror.co.uk or write to Community Corner, PO Box 791, Winchester SO23 3RP.

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