Linda Nolan

Speaking from the heart

I’M home alone. Denise and Tom have gone to London for the week on a minibreak – from me, their surrogate child!

I’m thinking, like a teenager roaming free, what have I been itching to do?

Redecorate? (Joking, Denise.) Sit in my pants and eat cereal? I’ll stick to my dressing gown, it’s only March. Watch movies all day? Well, I do that anyway.

It’s nice in many ways to have the space, but it’s a strange feeling being on my own again. I moved in here last year when I became unsteady, and I’ve got used to the feeling of security.

For this alone time I’ve got a new piece of kit to join my stairlift. A button to wear around my neck in case I fall. And perhaps surprisingly, I haven’t fought it. Pride, which we all know goes before, hasn’t piped up.

I’m happy to wear the button, my one stipulation is modesty. As Denise told the button woman, ‘if she falls in the shower make sure you throw her a towel’. The woman laughed her head off, but isn’t that what we’re all thinking?

Maureen and I actually gave Denise and Tom this break as a gift. People like me bang on so much about living with cancer, it’s easy to forget the people looking after us. My sister and her husband have selflessly invited me into their home and never complain. We get on like a house on fire (it won’t be Denise, I promise) and I’m always conscious of giving them space – the park restaurant is already on the verge of suggesting I pack a lunchbox. But they have gained a dependant, there’s no getting around it. Denise does my washing and cooking because I struggle to stand for long or bend down. (“That old chestnut”, she says.)

I only go upstairs once a day, she fetches and carries everything.

They also emotionally support me. They lift me when I’m down, and celebrate when I’m up. Last week I got a letter from the hospital confirming my latest scan results. There in black and white I realised the cancer in my liver is “practically gone”! They were the words. It’s Tom and Denise who cheer those moments with me. They’ve been amazing, so I hope they’re enjoying it – the gift that isn’t me!