Doris played a stormer.. Brits were damp squib
IT’S THE week where everyone was talking about their Brits. Adele was gutted she couldn’t be there in person to accept her award.
Having watched that Sutton United keeper, she could have won a few quid backing herself to munch a Scotch pie halfway through the show.
David Bowie and Leonard Cohen both bagged awards after they died, prompting music fans to say good music lives forever.
Ed Sheeran was praised for inviting Stormzy up on stage to perform with him at the ceremony.
Stormzy the rapper is a grime star. Not to be confused with his sister, who causes high wind and thundery snow – Stormzy Doris.
Ed knows the duet was important to try to normalise minorities shunned by society. Or to give them their proper name. Gingers.
Brit winners are expecting a massive boost in sales following the live show.
Makes sense. Winning trophies this year should guarantee great success next year. Well, unless you’re Claudio Ranieri.
People who saw Skepta will be desperate to buy his stuff. As ITV muted so much of it, they don’t have a clue what any if it sounds like.
Some say they should have used the mute button more. Mainly during Chris Martin’s tribute to George Michael.
Katy Perry was criticised for her political statement against Donald Trump and Theresa May.
She had a giant skeleton puppet running about on stage. So naturally most people first though Posh Spice was making a comeback.
Perry also commented how she was kept going backstage by drinking builder’s tea, though Trump was having none of it. He labelled the whole thing “fake brews”. Mind you, Prime Minister May was too busy hanging round the House of Lords.
It’s bad enough looking like the Grim Reaper, now she’s starting to act DISNEY have revealed the first cast photo for the new Star Wars Han Solo film.
Hans will be played by newcomer Alden Ehrenreich. The young Chewbacca, known for his endless grunts and incoherent mumbling, will be played by Tom Hardy. like him. She sat close to the throne, to the envy of all the old duffers in there with their weak bladders.
She actually looked like a school headmistress keeping an eye on the naughty schoolboys. Which it turns out is one of the main fantasies members of the House of Lords like to act out.
And it might explain Theresa’s new nickname – 50 Shades of May.
As for the Brits, nothing to report. No Madonna falling off stage or John Prescott getting drenched. All a Brit boring really. ●DAME Julie Andrews has revealed that she nearly died in an accident while filming the iconic Mary Poppins flying umbrella scenes.
It might have been the second famous death on that film. After Dick van Dyke’s murdering of the Cockney accent.