So many votes I’m at school more than ever
THE gloves are aff and the fight is on. Indyref2 is the big follow-up to something that was really popular in Scotland first time round. Nicola Sturgeon obviously got the idea from Trainspotting.
Aye, we’re going back to the ballot box at some point.
In the last few years we’ve had a general election, local election, Holyrood election, Brexit vote and Indyref1.
Honestly, I’m seeing my primary school more now than when I was a wean.
Everyone’s having their say on it. Kezia Dugdale claimed “we’re already divided enough”, before being pressed to talk about the referendum rather than the Labour Party.
Willie Rennie’s already booked those two amorous pigs that photobombed him last time out.
And Ruth Davidson is over the moon because she gets to ride hunners of tanks again.
Her boss in London isn’t so up for it, mind you.
Theresa May kept saying: “Now is not the time.” Which is only one step removed from “Not tonight, love, I’ve got a headache”.
This comes as the Prime Minister has been slated for not having a plan if Brexit talks fail.
Big Theresa needs a plan that people can believe in. So at least it’ll be written on paper, not the side of a bus.
It gets worse. Phillip Hammond claims his decision on National Insurance is all about the white van man vote.
And by doing a sudden U-Turn without any warning, he’s certainly showed he knows his audience.
Hammond has now offered to give white van men back the £100 he was going to pocket from them. Though they did say they’d take 70 quid in cash.
All this carry on might explain why Mhairi Black is thinking of chucking Westminster.
She says travelling up and down on the Megabus is killing her. Though that wee fat guy on the bus window always looks dead happy. Mhairi says the parliament needs to be more youth friendly. True. The House of Commons only has one speaker.
Whereas most young folk are used to a surround sound system where you can really crank up the tunes.
She also claims that the parliament was depressing and defunct, which is a pretty damning verdict from somebody fae Paisley.
Which brings us back to the big Yes/No question facing all of us in Scotland.
It’s near the end of March – is it still alright to have the heating on?
As for the next referendum, don’t worry. It’ll be done by May. Experts have warned that wearing skinny jeans, jackets with big fluffy hoods and high heels could be bad for your back. Mostly because folk will be constantly laughing behind it.