Dear Coleen
NEW MAN LIES AND SHOPLIFTS
THE letter from the woman who’s been in love with a barman for two years but hasn’t told him reminded me of my situation 15 years ago when I was 20 and in my last year at university (Dear Coleen, April 7).
My friends and I used to hang out in a local pub and I became fixated on a gorgeous Swedish barman. I lusted after him for at least a year.
Then, one night, I got a bit drunker than usual and asked him out on a date. A few days later, he came over to mine and he turned out to be the most boring person I’d ever met and literally had nothing to say for himself.
Then again, how could he possibly live up to the incredibly interesting sex god figure I’d built up in my mind? I wish I’d found out what he was like sooner instead of wasting all that time gazing at him across the bar. Tabs, via email I WAS in a relationship with a man for 20 years and we had four children together but I left him a year ago and went through a lot of trauma in the process.
I now have a good man in my life who is really sticking up for me but he has two major flaws and I’m lost as to how to handle them. First of all, he can’t manage money at all. As much as I’m trying to steer him in the right direction, he still hides the truth from me about his accounts and the huge amounts being deducted to pay back cash loans.
Secondly, I’ve discovered he’s been shoplifting now and then.
So there are a lot of things about him that worry me, but for once in my life, I’m happy and stable, and I’m afraid to give it up.
What’s your advice on how I can handle the situation? person he really is. He’s lying to you and hiding stuff and he’s also stealing. What kind of stability does that give you and what kind of role model will he be for your four kids?
He’s obviously in a lot of debt and is stealing from Peter to pay Paul, so he needs to face up to that and get some professional advice on how to get himself out of it. A debt charity such as StepChange (stepchange.org, 0800 138 1111) can provide financial advice as well as devise a debt management plan that will help him pay it off at a more manageable rate.
He needs to show you that he’s committed to sorting out his debt and also to stop stealing. If he can’t do that, then please don’t be afraid to go it alone. It’s not easy to be a single parent to four kids but it’s better than having police or loan sharks knocking on your door.