Chance to put a rocket under our politicians
SO it turns out now IS the time. Theresa May has called a Snap election in June.
Followed by a Crackle election in July and a Pop one in August. I, for one, am dead excited.
It’s been at least six months since I’ve seen the inside of my old primary school.
The PM claims the country is coming together after Brexit. Aye it is. Unfortunately the country is Germany.
May’s words to the other parties were: “This is your moment.” Nice to see her new manifesto has been written by Martine McCutcheon.
Jeremy Corbyn was quick to react, saying: “I’m starting right away.” Though turns out he was talking about his resignation letter.
One of the MPs who isn’t up for the fight is George Osborne. Understandable, really. He’s quit so he can spend more time on his other jobs.
Mind you, the bold Theresa is running scared of the TV debates, meaning broadcasters have threatened to empty chair her.
A term which, to my disappointment, has hee-haw to do with a getting whacked in a hardcore wrestling match.
It means an empty chair will sit on the stage where May should have sat.
And to make sure it’s an accurate likeness, the chair will be very wooden and uncomfortable, with long legs.
Fair dos, though, latest opinion polls put the chair 10 points ahead of that Nuttall guy fae UKIP.
Talking of which, a Brexit-themed crop circle has turned up and UKIP are raging.
They can’t believe a ridiculous statement like this appeared and it wasn’t on the side of a bus. Not surprisingly, they blame illegal aliens.
There is no truth in the rumour that Nigel Farage was bidding for a cigarette case belonging to Hermann Goering. It was set to fetch £1000 at auction, though the main issue there is deciding whether a punter raising their right hand is bidding or making a Nazi salute.
Get your bids in quick though,
THE Queen has celebrated her 91st birthday by submitting her pancake recipe in a new cookbook. Thankfully, the Queen’s recipes are pretty simple and easy to follow. They all start the same way: “Step 1 – get a servant to make it.”
before the auctioneer says Goering Goering Gone.
Up here, Kezia Dugdale says her party is ready. I really hope she’s not talking about her leaving do.
The most excited folk, though? North Korea. This gives the world a wee distraction from their faulty nukes.
And if you want to see highlights of each launch set to music, check out the hit new Korean TV show – The Old Stray Missile Test.
Like this election campaign, it’s just a load of pure rockets. ● A six-year-old boy has become the youngest player to score a hole-in-one at Bruntsfield Links in Edinburgh, the fourth oldest golf club in the world. The good news is the wee man bought a drink for everyone in the clubhouse. The bad news is, it was Tizer.