Trump set on making America grate again

THIS was officially the week when the world went into meltdown. Donald Trump has pulled the US out of the Paris climate agreement.

The good news is that the American president has his own a plan to lower global temperatures. He’ll get his wife to give us all the same cold stare she gives him all the time.

Melania’s not the only one. Comedian Kathy Griffin has apologised for a photo shoot in which she held a fake bloodied head that resembled Trump. Understandably, there were thousands of complaints from people. Upset that it wasn’t real.

Meanwhile, Trump’s son-in-law has explored the possibility of setting up a secret line of communication with Moscow.

To be fair, Putin already has several lines to Trump. They’re the big strings he operates him with.

You can understand why the White House communications director has resigned only three months after being hired by Trump.

He was supposed to co-ordinate the president’s responses to the press. Unfortunately, he could never decide whether Trump should show them one finger or two.

Then there’s the other global meltdown, caused by good old British Airways. It’s been claimed that BA could face paying out £150million in compensation over last weekend’s global IT failure.

At their prices, that would buy at least two drinks on a domestic flight.

If you can’t get your money yet, though, don’t worry. I’m sure their bank account is easy enough to hack.

BA have denied that the computer problems they suffered were the result of a cyber attack and say they were caused by a massive “outage”. Which is strange, as most folk didn’t even realise their computer system was gay.

The airline’s board members have requested an inquiry into the fiasco. If not, there could be another

massive outage. Aye, the chief NASA are planning to launch a probe that will touch the Sun. They’re looking to man the mission with someone who can sustain intense long-term solar exposure and still not be affected by it. Dale Winton starts next week. executive could be out, then the managing director and probably the IT guy as well.

The airline claim all flights are back to normal but say they may take some time to reunite travellers with their suitcases and bags. That’s because many of them are still embedded in the faces of the staff who told them their flights had been patched.

And the only system reboot folk were interested in was swinging their size nines right up the BA boss’s runway.

So it was BA in the UK and DT from the USA, with a bit of SH in front of the IT. Somebody somewhere’s obviously taking the P. ● Scientists have apparently discovered the gene that causes a weak bladder in people, although I should say, the news isn’t official yet. It just leaked out.