Geordie shorts more worrying than mad dogs
IT’S not what your country can do for you – it’s what you can do for your country.
And what a journey to Thailand, a 21-hour trek that included a training session which ended with the squad being chased off the pitch by rabid wild dogs. More on that later.
An eventful night ended with yet another casualty. Kenny Jack, better known as Bilbo Baggins, shouldn’t have walked through the ‘nothing to declare’ lane at Bangkok airport.
He should have informed his room-mate Andy Ritchie that he has a habit of sleep walking.
Andy was awoken in the early hours of the morning by a pained howl and a bang on the door. He was met by Kenny staggering in after a bit of night stalking which saw him falling down a flight of stairs after suffering a case of the night terrors.
The Edinburgh taxi driver thought he was back home and only came to his senses when he started a tumble that has placed him on the highly-doubtful category for our World Cup opener against New Zealand tonight due to badly bruised ribs and a more swollen foot than normal.
An inclusion in this star-studded squad is former Partick Thistle striker Geordie Shore.
His presence caused quite a stir. With babyoiled skin, skin-tight tank tops and risqué figurehugging shorts, Geordie was swaggering around the pool area showing off his tan.
Apologies, it’s not Geordie Shore, it’s some guy called George Shaw.
The draw for the group stage has seen us land England, USA and the Kiwis. Here’s a flavour of the English squad.
Lee Trundle of Swansea fame, ex-Fulham striker Barry Hayles, one-time Gillingham player-boss Andy Hessenthaler, Norwich’s Jamie Cureton and Nicky Southhall who used to hog the wing at Nottingham Forest.
He’s an ex-team-mate of our skipper Gary Holt who revealed his old pal’s nickname is Trigger.
Apparently he once missed a game due to third-degree burns after an ironing incident.
Southall tried to get a crease out of his shirt collar – but he was wearing it at the time.
We have brains on our side. Lawyer Paul Taylor played at Aberdeen, Macclesfield and Dunfermline and was called ‘Laxative’.
Curiosity got the better of me. “Why was that, Paul?” He said: “Because of the way I tackled, I used to go right through people.”
Talking of which, there was a shocking moment yesterday as our creative spark Stewart Maxwell went down in a crumpled heap. His agony was made worse as his assailant during the game of possession was yours truly. He wasn’t accepting it was an accident.
It’s not like Maxi to make a drama out of these moments and
Baby-oiled, skin-tight, swaggering around the pool area showing off his tan
we’re no longer on talking terms.
Team morale had taken a dunt far greater than the scratch on my mate’s leg.
Then came the dogs. Our older-category utility man and legendary Auchinleck player Billy Thompson had bared his backside and the canines were on the scent as five of the wild animals appeared from the jungle next to the training pitch.
We’d been warned to avoid these notorious dingos, a big danger in these parts, rabies being one concern.
The entire squad raced back to the bus as the barking started. Billy’s not as quick as he used to be and the sight of him panting with these vicious mutts in hot pursuit wasn’t pretty.
It makes a change. Billy’s usually the one doing the chasing when it comes to dogs, apparently.