I’m 12 years older than Sam but the age gap’s never bothered us. We take it in turns to be grown-ups
STAR CAROLINE FELL FOR YOUNGER MAN
NOTHING ruffles feathers like an age gap in a celebrity romance. Think how Kate Beckinsale’s kiss with an actor 22 years her junior was splashed around the world.
Or how French President Emmanuel Macron had to declare vive la (age) difference, defending his marriage to a woman almost 25 years older.
But, like Macron, 39, who has been married to Brigitte, 64, for 10 years, Caroline Quentin really does not mind the gap one bit, having been with a man 12 years her junior for 18 years.
She would be the first to wish Kate, 43, and little-known American actor Matt Rife, 21, well in their romance.
Talking about husband Sam Farmer, Caroline said: “People were sniffy to start with. I think we’ve established it is functioning as a relationship. He was the right person for me.”
She met Sam when he was 26 and she was 39, while he was part of the crew on the hit comedy show Men Behaving Badly, which Caroline starred in with Leslie Ash, Neil Morrissey and Martin Clunes.
She said: “Sam was a grown man – almost 27 – he wasn’t a child. It has been a triumph.”
They met a year after Caroline got divorced from comic Paul Merton following eight years of marriage.
She remembers first meeting Sam in the studio car park.
Caroline said: “It was love at first sight. I’m 56 and he’s 44 but the age gap has never bothered us – we take it in turns to be grown-ups.
“It was lashing down with rain and this extremely handsome young man in a baseball cap came up to me and said, ‘Can I get you breakfast?’
“I thought, ‘No thank you, but you can get me something else’. I asked one of the girls on set who he was and she told me he was the new runner.
“Four days later, he asked me out in front of Martin Clunes and Neil Morrissey, which was incredibly brave.”
When their daughter Emily was born a year later, in 1999, they “compared wage packets” and decided Caroline would carry on working.
The actress, whose son Will was born in 2003, says: “We swapped roles when we had the kids, quite unusual then.
“Sam stayed at home and brought them up while I was free to go on location or tour. I don’t know how he coped on his own with a tiny baby and a toddler in those early years.”
She once admitted: “It’s probably hard for Sam and the kids when I’m coming and going. I’ve always been good cop to Sam’s bad cop. I can be fun because I am usually going off again.”
But now Emily is 17 and Will is, 14, Caroline and Sam, who wed in 2006, are swapping roles so that he can concentrate on his career. She said: “Sam has retrained as a cosmetic scientist and created his own unisex hair and skincare range for teens, SAMFARMER, and I’ve vowed that if he ever wanted to expand his workload, I’d turn down a part to free him up more. “It would be a sacrifice but he has made plenty for me in the past.” The family live on a “small freeholding on a hill” near Tiverton, Devon. Caroline says she was born to a farming lifestyle. She feels little pressure to battle the
It’s probably hard for Sam and the kids when I’m coming and going CAROLINE QUENTIN
signs of ageing, despite having a younger husband. On the subject of facelifts, she said: “I don’t like the idea of anything like that, although I know my face is going to get older and saggier. That’s just life and, luckily, I’m not someone who made a living out of being glamorous.
“I love changing my hair colour, though. I’ve gone from a redhead to a blonde because I couldn’t face going grey. I’m not into my appearance particularly and rarely look in a mirror.”
Her biggest worry now is how she will cope when the children fly the nest.
She said: “Sam and I can’t bear the thought of it. We’re such a great unit of four and get on so well – the kids are always taking the p**s out of us. We joke we may lock them in their rooms until they’re 30 or stalk them wherever they go. Emily wants a career in show business – probably musical theatre. “It will be so weird when she’s at college and there are no hits from the musicals blasting out.
“Friends tell us children are like boomerangs, they keep coming back. Motherhood is definitely the best role I’ve ever had.”
She had a less easy time of it with her own mother.
Caroline, who has starred in a string of hits including Jonathan Creek and Dickensian, grew up with three sisters in a loving but far less settled home.
Her mother was bipolar, and spent time in a psychiatric hospital. Her father, who was in the RAF, left the family home for good when Caroline was 12 and away at boarding school. She has said of her mum: “Things were chaotic but she was very loving. When she was up, mum was hilarious. I think I get my sense of humour from that. It might be a gallows sense of humour but I get it from my mum.”
Her mother has now passed away, along with her eldest sister.
Caroline also suffered the trauma of two miscarriages but still insists she has “been pretty lucky”, although she admits she does suffer low moods at times.
She said: “I can have quite extreme swings of mood. My mother was bipolar and I think there’s elements of that in me.
“If I get low, I go walking or busy myself gardening as I’m a firm believer in the healing power of open spaces. A sense of humour is vital – I always try
to see the funny side of life.” That sense of humour has also helped her deal with the coeliac disease she has been diagnosed with. The reaction to gluten leads to vomiting and diarrhoea, causing some embarrassing moments.
She said: “Worst of all is the urgency of needing a toilet. Most recently on stage in a play, The Hypocrite, I realised, ‘Oh my God, I have to get to the loo right now’, and I raced through my lines, shot off stage, trying to rip off my costume as I went, and hurled myself into the toilet.
“It was terrifying to think that I might have an embarrassing accident right there in front of an audience at the Royal Shakespeare Company.” Caroline is patron of Coeliac UK and is helping launch its Gluten Freevolution to get more choice of gluten-free food when eating out. Visit coeliac.org.uk