For positive parenting
Pop star Sophie Ellis-Bextor shares what she has learned about being a mum from raising four boys aged from 17 months to 13
High heel sandals, riverisland.com SOPHIE Ellis-Bextor knows all about the juggling act of life as a busy, working parent – but she wouldn’t have it any other way.
“I love our busy, chaotic, noisy household with my boisterous boys,” said Sophie, 38, who’s balanced her music career with raising four lads – Sonny, 13, Kit, eight, Ray, five, and Jesse, 17 months – with her husband, The Feeling bassist Richard Jones.
She added: “I don’t think there are any rules. You just have to do what feels right for you and your children.
“But I talk a lot to my mum ( former Blue Peter presenter Janet Ellis) and friends, and we share what works and what doesn’t.”
The singer, who released her sixth album Familia last year, reveals her guide to positive parenting here: TALK IT THROUGH I’m quite tight on the boundaries of how we talk to each other in the family.
I emphasise the importance of us being kind to people and to each other.
And if I ever feel they’re not being kind or respectful, I’ll ask, “Is that really how we talk to each other? That’s not really how we should be.” Mealtimes are an important time for me to sit down with the boys and look them in the eye when they’re telling me how they are. I ask lots of questions about what’s going on and if anything’s bothering them. GETTING THEM TO BEHAVE I’m a big fan of talking things through with children as I don’t think shouting works – unless it’s spontaneous and stops them from running into danger. I don’t think there’s a “one-size-fits-all” on discipline. For instance, my eldest boy, Sonny, responded really well if I told him off as he didn’t like getting into trouble. But his younger brother Kit wasn’t so bothered at one point.
I think it helps kids feel they’re in control if you show them there are alternatives, negative and positive. ENCOURAGE HEALTHY EATING My mum brought me up to eat healthily and she never used the word “diet”.
I want my boys to have a good relationship with their bodies and the food they’re eating, so I’ve always explained about where food comes from.
With four kids with different likes and dislikes, I try to cater to them but I won’t cook separate meals for each – that would be too time-consuming. KEEPING THEM SAFE ONLINE My attitude to social media is to walk side-by-side with my kids as they explore it. I think there’s wonderful stuff on the internet and it’s a misapprehension that kids are looking for bad stuff. My eight-year-old, for instance, isn’t trying to find things which could confuse him or are too grown-up.
Generally, I make sure when he’s on the web I’m in the room with him. GET THEM OUTDOORS We have a house rule of always doing something active outdoors once a day at the weekends, whether it’s a walk in the park, swimming or a ball game. It’s also fun exploring new places. I think it helps relax them and then they’re more than happy to get home and play with their toys or watch a movie. TAKE TIME FOR YOU AS A COUPLE It’s OK to be a bit selfish and enjoy time with your partner sometimes. I think my kids really like the fact we’re happy, and that happiness kind of radiates outwards. So give yourselves permission to enjoy yourselves together and let them see you as people. ● Sophie’s an ambassador for Pampers Preemie Protection range for premature babies. Visit www.pampers.co.uk
If they are not being kind or respectful, I ask them, ‘Is that really how we talk to each other?’