UNAPPRECIATED BY HUSBAND

Dear Coleen

I AM a married stay-at-home mother of two small children and my partner works fulltime in a stressful and demanding job.

I feel I bear the brunt of his frustrations, which isn’t helped by the fact I have OCD, so I’ve found that working outside the home is very challenging.

However, I am always available when my partner works overtime, as well as during the day.

My problem is, he often makes condescending remarks such as “It’s all right for you”, which I find really annoying.

It’s as if I do nothing. Any advice would be appreciated.

Coleen says

YOU’VE stopped communicating properly, which has allowed resentment to grow from both sides. The first step would be to have an honest (and calm) discussion in which you each air your issues and try to find ways to help each other out, rather than retreating to your corners.

He clearly doesn’t appreciate how hard you work in the home, caring for the kids and running the house, so explain to him how hurtful his remarks are.

It sounds as if you’ve also lost your way as a couple. Look at how you can carve out some time for each other away from the kids. If you rebuild that connection, it’ll be easier to work together to find solutions.

I think you each, individually, need to look at how you can manage your own problems better – in his case combating work stress and, in your case, OCD.

There’s some useful information on coping with OCD at mind.org.uk and also on the Royal College of Psychiatrists website (rcpsych.ac.uk).

Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), a talking therapy that involves learning to change the behaviour that causes distress, can be effective for OCD.

See your GP in the first instance for his or her input, as you might be able to get a referral for either group or one-to-one sessions.