Dear Coleen

I CAME home unexpectedly last week after forgetting my bank card. The front door lock is fiddly and my husband came to let me in. He was shocked to see me.

I walked in and he told me he had been pleasuring himself.

I just smiled and said: “Oh dear.” He then went into the kitchen to turn off the video he was watching on the laptop. It felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach. I ran upstairs, got what I needed and walked out.

He told me he was so sorry, but he had to do it as it has been a while since we last had sex. I understand that, but the fact he was watching porn has made me feel physically sick.

I have gained more than 2st in weight recently due to a hysterectomy and don’t feel good in myself anyway, so now I’m totally paranoid that this video he watched would have contained slim, attractive women.

I don’t feel I could make love to him again since this has happened. He is my soulmate and I really thought I knew him inside out. He apologised and told me he loves me, but I feel deceived and heartbroken. not with a girl sitting on his lap. I think part of the reason you’ve taken it this badly is that you don’t feel good about yourself right now and it’s fuelled your insecurities.

Maybe your husband isn’t quite sure how to handle the physical side of things since your operation and is worried about bringing it up. He might not want to initiate sex in case you feel pressured. So rather than retreat to