Hol­ly­wood re­ally wasn’t us­ing his loaf

Daily Record - - NEWS -

THOU­SANDS of peo­ple on so­cial me­dia are still try­ing to get over see­ing a sugges­tive look­ing loaf of bread on Bake Off this week. I hear it tastes great with a knob of but­ter. Care­ful though. If you type in the words “pe­nis” and “Bake Off”, you’ll get a pic­ture of Paul Hol­ly­wood in a Nazi uni­form.

Aye the bold Hol­ly­wood ad­mits hav­ing ter­ri­ble re­grets about be­ing pic­tured wear­ing the cos­tume at a fancy dress party. Does that make him a white bread su­prem­a­cist?

Maybe he should jump on Ry­lan’s new show which in­volves swim­ming in the At­lantic while an­swer­ing gen­eral knowl­edge ques­tions. Pre­sum­ably ques­tions like “Why am I drown­ing?”, “How much am I get­ting paid for this?” and “What’s the mad scary thing with the big white teeth com­ing to­wards me.?” Ei­ther Jaws or Ry­lan, it’s hard to tell. Talk­ing of teeth, doc­tors in In­dia have suc­cess­fully ex­tracted seven teeth from a wee baby.

It was a painful oper­a­tion. The baby’s screams were al­most as loud as those of its maw when it was breast­feed­ing. Or Paul could go on Ry­lan’s old show like another foodie. Yes, a McDon­ald’s em­ployee from Es­sex daz­zled the judges on The X Fac­tor. Nae sur­prise a Maccy D’s em­ployee did well.

She got a lot of tips from all the pre­vi­ous X Fac­tor fi­nal­ists who are now work­ing along­side her. ●A FLO­RAL Princess Diana trib­ute has gone vi­ral af­ter be­ing mocked on so­cial me­dia for its strange ap­pear­ance.

I’m not say­ing it’s un­pop­u­lar, but ap­par­ently there’s a pe­ti­tion to re­name it Camilla.

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