SometimesI’llbe doingtwoorthree jobsaday..it’sone ofthosetimesthe Asperger’smind istheonlyway itwouldwork
TV’S CHRIS PACKHAM ON LIVING WITH AUTISM BBC presenter analyses his disorder on documentary and tells how he ‘shouts above the noise’ to make himself heard
something which is entirely negative. And I wanted to be able to articulate how it felt, so that people would have a better understanding of it.”
It’s about “shouting above the noise”, he insists, referring to punk rock band Penetration’s song lyrics as his “life anthem”.
“I have a small voice because I make wildlife programmes on the TV and I have to exercise that voice positively – that’s the purpose of having it.
“I think people that have that voice should do so,” he added. “If they don’t say some things either because they’ve got nothing to say or they’re too scared to say it – both of these are reprehensible.”
For Packham, such candour is part and parcel of his world.
“If you stick your neck out, you get your head cut off,” he said, recalling how some of the most upsetting episodes in his life were due to being lied to.
“I get my head cut off from the hunting and shooting fraternity the whole time and I see that as part of a process – it’s not something I am intimidated by. And ultimately I don’t care,” he added.
“There’s such a dearth of honesty in our society at the moment that if you are truthful about something, it doesn’t matter what it is, it’s immediately refreshing to any audience.”
Head down, Packham – who calls himself “a little bit weird” – moves quickly from subject to subject, glancing up to make eye contact only a handful of times.
Hands tightly clasped on his lap, he talks of his decision to live alone in the middle of the woods with his “best friend” Scratchy the dog, (as opposed to with his long-term girlfriend Charlotte Corney) as it’s the “only place I feel normal”.
“I’m a lot less guarded with people I trust and know – invariably my family have always taken the brunt of that,” he said, highlighting his struggle to connect with strangers.
“There are things I would say spontaneously to them that I wouldn’t dare say spontaneously to anyone else because I would have to measure what I thought their reaction would be to them.”
Will this show and public diagnosis offer him some relief ?
“I know other people who I have spoken to and they’ve said they found it immediately uplifting and empowering and cathartic,” he said, having revealed in the film he’s spent years employing a range of coping mechanisms to fit in on TV.
“(But) it wasn’t like that for me, really. I had come to accept it and I’d certainly been working hard for a long time on managing it independently.
“There’s a certain amount of relief because if I make a mistake, people now understand why,” he said. “They don’t have to just say, ‘Chris is a nuisance weirdo’.
“That doesn’t, however, mean that I can count on their tolerance,” he added. “Television is very much about effective teamwork and maximising and optimising what the team can achieve and I have to be an effective part of that team.
“I don’t want people to make excuses for me. I can’t take my foot off the gas. I mustn’t relax. I don’t want to be an encumbrance to anyone.” ● Chris Packham: Asperger’s And Me is on BBC Two on Tuesday, October 17.