TV dinners have got me at boiling point

DID you hear about the chef who died? He pasta way.

Honestly, I’m at boiling point with all these cooks on telly. It’s time to start bitching about the kitchen.

Gordon Ramsay claims most of us are too lazy to work. Not true.

Judging by the TV schedules, we’re just too busy watching cooking shows with dafties like him to make time for it.

Ramsay also revealed that cocaine is so rife in showbiz circles that he was once asked to dust souffles with it by adding it to icing sugar.

Which presumably gave someone the idea for that new telly show – The Great British Bake Off Your Faces.

Meanwhile, fellow chef Tom Kerridge has sung the praises of store cupboard essentials including Bisto gravy, stock cubes and instant coffee.

To be fair, gravy and stock cubes are also popular with Heston Blumenthal. He uses them in his trifles.

Or what about the nunthemed restaurant called Nundo’s that’s just one letter away from a lawsuit?

It’s heading to London for a brand-new reality TV series called Bad Habits, Holy Orders.

You can tell a Nundo’s meal right enough. Everything’s cooked in olive oil that’s extra virgin.

See, telly cooking shows are everywhere.

In fairness, the alternative on the box isn’t much better.

Like The Apprentice, where one of this year’s candidates apparently cheated on her now husband while filming the show.

Well, we would call it cheating. She calls it her audition for next year’s Love Island.

Then there’s Springwatch, where host Chris Packham has claimed that his pet poodle is more important to him than his girlfriend.

Sorry, news update just in. Chris Packham has claimed that his pet poodle is more important to him than his ex-girlfriend.

Call me old-fashioned but I want to be eating food rather than watching it. Like the world’s hottest-ever ready HACKERS from North Korea claim they’ve uncovered a plan to assassinate their leader Kim Jong-un.

It’ll never work. A madman with a blade would never get close enough to him.

Well, unless it’s his barber. meal that’s gone on sale – an Indian curry called the Volcanic Vindaloo made with a chilli 200 times hotter than Tabasco sauce.

I’m not saying it’s nippy, but apparently it’s sold as part of a meal deal with an ice bucket and a hose.

So there you have it. Too many cooks spoil the broth – and my telly by the looks of it.

I hope soon they all run out of thyme. But let’s end with a wee bit of garnish.

Why should you never employ a wee person in the kitchen? Cause the steaks are too high. ● Folk calling for Spanish unity have attended rallies in Madrid. They don’t believe the referendum result.

Many say it’s the most disputed figure seen in Catalonia since Lionel Messi’s last tax return.