Coleen says

I’D like to share my story after reading the letter from the man whose wife was raped at the age of 12 (Dear Coleen, Sept 12).

I found myself in an identical position to him 40 years ago – my wife had been raped when she was 15 and never told anyone but me.

Once we married and the honeymoon period was over, she’d often get on my case for no good reason and I eventually realised she wasn’t angry with me but about what happened in her past.

Because I was the nearest man around, I was on the receiving end. Counselling wasn’t readily available then, but we had each other and things did settle. Having close friends and family also helped, although we have always kept it secret from them.

We still have a happy marriage after more than 40 years, plus children and grandchildren. Our love for each other has seen us through. Name and address withheld THE main problem here is that you feel bad about yourself. And when we lose confidence in ourselves, it’s very easy to read other things into the situation.

You don’t say how you know it’s an issue for your husband – maybe it’s not.

However, if you’re not feeling sexy and attractive, and have lost interest in sex because of the way you see yourself, then it will have a knock-on effect.

If it’s starting to affect your relationship and your own happiness, then the only thing to do is to take control and do something about it. But do it for yourself. I actually think it’s quite a common dilemma when people are happy and settled – and it can happen to men as well as women.

If you think you can’t go it alone, then join a slimming club. And start being more active, too, even if it’s just getting outdoors for a walk – your mood will lift instantly, and you’ll also feel stronger and less insecure.