Bully at work is turning me into paranoid wreck
Dear Coleen
LIFE hasn’t been easy but I’ve worked and studied hard for my children. What should have been my pre-retirement years have been the most horrendous due to bullying at work, which has involved an unscrupulous man I’ve known for many years.
I go to work every day dreading what will happen and have become paranoid about everything. I drive home and cry. It breaks my heart to see the person I’ve become – I hardly laugh and joke, and have lost my sparkle.
My children all tell me to give up work and sell my house. But I love my home and I still have a mortgage on it, and can’t afford to leave my job until I’ve paid it and my solar panels off. They say they don’t want an inheritance and want me to spend my last years happy. But I want them to have what I’ve worked for and I want to spend my last years in my home.
I also don’t want to leave a successful career that I’ve worked so hard for. My work colleagues and friends are supportive, as they respect me and my dedication to my career in the caring profession. Should I give up the fight?
Coleen says
I DON’T get why you’re not doing anything about this man, especially if other colleagues are being supportive and think so highly of you. Could you ask them to back you up if you made a complaint against him?
I’m guessing it’s fear that’s stopping you from blowing the whistle on him. I also detect a sense of anger and stubbornness – why should I give it all up for one horrible person?
I don’t think anyone should be pushed out of a job by a bully but if you’ve decided you’re not going to challenge this person in an official context, either by lodging a complaint with management and HR or speaking to your union, then I think you should consider what your kids are advising.
They want you to be happy – that’s all they care about. It must be hard for them to see you working hard and coming home feeling destroyed and unhappy.
I know you love your house and have worked hard for it but you could downsize and still have a beautiful, happy home. I know if you were my mum, your wellbeing would mean more than any inheritance.
But I still think you should tackle this person first. The Acas website and helpline can provide independent, confidential advice on what to do if you’re being bullied (acas.org.uk; 0300 123 1100) and your local Citizen’s Advice may also be able to help.
The mental health charity Mind (mind.org.uk) also have good advice on coping with bullying at work.
Good luck.