No crime like the present

Our survey unwraps the worst Christmas gifts

Scots are more likely to fake it, according to a survey by the Department Of Unwanted Gifts.

The research shows that 61 percent of Scottish people normally pretend to like a terrible Christmas present, compared with 45 percent nationwide.

The survey*, by the Department Of Unwanted Gifts (DOUG), has blown the lid of secrecy off the shadowy world of the Secret Santa – where people draw lots to buy a present for a colleague, introducing an element of chance to the already thorny task of buying Christmas gifts.

NOVELTY

DOUG is responsible for disposing of the terrible Christmas presents inflicted on unsuspecting members of the public every year, maintaining silos of novelty socks, lewd Christmas-themed egg timers, and random CDs.

But, a DOUG spokesman says their vaults are close to bursting.

He says: “We commissioned this research just so that we could get a sense of the task we have this year, and it’s truly sickening.

“According to our survey, nationwide, over half of you confessed to giving socks as a stocking filler, which is a little like giving wrapping paper wrapped in some wrapping paper.

“And one in four of you (25 percent) are quite happy to spend your money on a novelty item like beer goggles, which you were probably wearing when you thought this was a good idea.”

He adds: “Yet 93 percent of you say it’s important that the person for whom you’re buying a gift actually likes it. We at DOUG can’t help but wonder what many of you are playing at.”

The survey also shows that Scotland is the most caring part of the UK when it comes to receiving unwanted presents. Nearly three in four (73 percent) Scottish people will pretend to like a dodgy gift to spare the giver’s feelings, compared with the British average of 45 percent.

But people in the Midlands are most likely to tell it as it is, closely followed by the Welsh. Around 36 percent of Midlanders and 39% of people from Wales refuse to raise a smile.

A DOUG spokeperson said: “We absolutely approve of this. The more people realise they can’t get away with giving absolute bobbins, the less pressure there will be on us at DOUG.”

However Midlanders are the least likely to pass on an unwanted gift to the next victim down the line. Only 22 percent of them have “regifted” a terrible present, compared with 51 percent of Londoners, and 46 percent of Scots.

WINNING Overall, the most disappointing present you can give this Christmas is a comedy tie, with 81 percent of British people telling tie givers to get knotted.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. For just £5 you could buy a Santa’s Millions Scratchcard from The National Lottery, available from thousands of participating retailers, and give your loved one or Secret Santa victim the chance of winning up to £1 million.

According to DOUG’s research, 70 percent of people would prefer £10 worth of Scratchcards to socks, 84 percent of you would prefer Scratchcards to novelty gifts like beer goggles, or hats with bendy straws, and a whopping 93 percent of you would prefer National Lottery Scratchcards to a comedy tie.

DOUG says: “If you’re one of the nine in ten people who think it’s important that the gift you buy is appreciated, then please think about buying a National Lottery Scratchcard for your Secret Santa victim. It could mean our staff get to see their families this Christmas.”

percent of women have “faked a smile” when receiving a terrible Christmas present 51 percent of people confessed to giving socks as a stocking filler 93 percent say it’s important that the person for whom you’re buying a gift actually likes it 25 percent are happy to spend money on a novelty item