A frosty reception for Trump? Flake news
A FOSSIL of a penguin the size of a man has been dug up off the New Zealand coast. The fossil was actually discovered last year, but due to its size, it has taken some time for archaeologists to p-p-p-pick it up. THE big chill hit Scotland this week and caused travel chaos. Timetables were thrown into such disarray that a ScotRail train accidentally ran on time.
A low of -11.6C was recorded on Sunday night in Northumberland at the appropriately named Chillingham, which is just down the road from Pure-Baltic-Gammon.
A flash freeze caused disruption at Glasgow airport, with some flights cancelled or diverted to other airports after the runway froze.
Hundreds of schools were closed for a second day and experts believe this is the earliest start to the Scottish summer for years.
We get this weather every year yet still don’t know how to cope. Many folk are now asking why more Scots don’t learn to ski.
In Norway, kids can go downhill from the age of two. In Scotland, it’s later and usually after their first bottle of Buckfast.
The Met Office have now issued another yellow snow warning this weekend. The meaning of which is very simple. Don’t eat it.
As Donald Trump’s Scottish golf courses didn’t suffer in the wintry weather conditions, unsurprisingly the US president has denounced the warnings of snow as “flake news”.
Talking of the big man, Trump is expected to visit the UK but not to meet the Queen. Trump’s not bothered as they haven’t been the same since Freddie died.
It’s a relief for the Queen too, meeting an old rich guy known for being politically incorrect. She might end up marrying him.
Trump’s big visit to the UK is expected in the new year. He might visit Ireland too but he’s going to go to Britain first – as they’re his favourite folk on YouTube. This is all according to the US ambassador Woody Johnson, a man who sounds like he stars in a porno version of Toy Story. Woody says there’s no question Trump will “ruffle feathers.” Incidentally, “ruffle feathers” is also the official name of Donald Trump’s hairdo.
Johnson is well suited to managing JEREMY Vine wants to make the phrase dad dancing illegal. Presumably next on the hit list is granny zumba.
Jezza, right, tried to put his foot down on this. But unfortunately his timing was off and he pure decked it. the president’s difficult visit.
He used to own an American football team, so is used to seeing an over-inflated orange thing get kicked around.
The Donald’s addiction to telly also came out this week. That said, Trump is banned from watching digital TV in the White House. Staff don’t want anyone encouraging him to press the red button.
As for the visit, big Donny wants us all to chill out. Maybe when hell freezes over. ● THE new Budget says some Scots will have to pay more in income tax than our English counterparts.
On the plus side, over a lifetime we’ll pay less – because we die quicker. Plus folk asking if it should cost more to live and work in Scotland than the rest of the UK seem to forget one thing – we’re already paying more in hats, gloves and Lemsip.