Old prince has plenty of time to Phil

IT HAS been a year of departures.

Prince Philip chucked his royal duties this autumn at the age of 96.

Or as Mary Berry calls it – early retirement.

Auld Phil stepped down with a 21-gun salute.

Mainly aimed at members of the press and anybody that looks a bit foreign.

The announcement came from Buckingham Palace, where speculation was rife that the Queen was going to abdicate. A story that came from a hopeful source known only as P Charles.

In fairness, Philip has always considered himself a man of the people.

As long as those people are castle-owning billionaires.

In contrast, there’s one man who refuses to go anywhere – President Donald J Trump.

Yes, big Donald turned 71 this year. That amount of candles meant the cake was so big Trump insisted it was built by Mexico.

First Lady Melania surprised everyone by jumping out of the cake – before running away, screaming for help.

The president was particularly pleased at the early birthday present he received from Vladimir Putin. Last year’s election.

And so to the best one-line summary of Trump I’ve heard all year.

A man in his 70s, who wants a golf score in the 60s, his country in the 50s and a wife in her 20s. You cannae Trump that.