RESORT IS STRUM PLACE
Hard Rock Hotel provides fun and entertainment for all ages at their fabulous complex on the sunshine island of Tenerife
“I REALLY love my job – it’s more than a job, it’s a hobby,” said our guide Jaime – or Jamie as he assures a tongue-twisted Glaswegian he is happy to be called.
Standing at the top of Mount Teide – Spain’s highest peak at more than 12,000ft – it’s easy to see why he has spent the last three years guiding tourists along this jagged path to see the sun set.
Having taken a cable car from the visitor centre, the final 15-minute leg of our journey has been spent with eyes locked on the sea of clouds below which Tenerife sits, heads darting down every few seconds to avoid losing a foot in the cracks.
Every Wednesday and Friday, Jaime and his fellow guides make this walk as part of the Sunset and Stars experience, which starts with drinks then canapes before a stargazing session with long-range telescopes rounds off the evening.
The serenity that filters through Teide National Park – a UNESCO World Heritage site – is in perfect contrast to our base camp, Hard Rock Hotel Tenerife on the southern coast.
From the names of artists chosen by staff to appear underneath their badges to memorabilia on show at every turn – Aerosmith, David Bowie and The Beatles feature – the infusion of rock music hits you upon entering the lobby.
Even the lifts aren’t a silent space, which proves awkward if you, as I do, step into one with a loved-up couple only for Marvin Gaye’s classic Let’s Get it On to play for the six-floor ascent.
Still, that was worth it for a spacious sixth-floor room with slick black-and-red decor and a balcony overlooking the Atlantic Ocean. An in-room Bose docking station provides a further musical interlude before taking to one of three pools.
The adults-only Eden Pool with its swim-up bar, partially submerged loungers and underwater music is the pick of them.
For the kids, the chance to have their favourite cartoon character made into a pancake at breakfast is likely to be as equally exciting.
With three kids clubs – Lullaby for six months to three years, Roxity for age four to 12 and Teen Spirit for 13 to 17 – that each boast separate lounges and their own activity programmes, a few moments by the adult pool isn’t that much of a long shot.
And with a monthly Children of the 80s concert among those on the hotel’s massive outdoor stage, they’ll even look after the kids until midnight on gig nights.
A games room with consoles, Formula One driving simulators, table football and a pool table will keep them occupied.
I embraced it myself with the hotel letting me borrow a classic Fender guitar – despite the triangle being my only musical calling in life.
There’s a hefty safety deposit – I’ve never been more careful
walking up stairs – so best avoid the urge to go full rock star and smash it against the wall.
The view from Mount Teide on our first night may remain an unrivalled one but The 16th – the hotel’s rooftop bar and lounge – makes for a worthy challenger on our second.
Dinner in steakhouse Montauk, one of six hotel restaurants, is a precursor with Jose – or Bob Marley as he’s otherwise known – offering a choice of four knives from around the world to cut my Angus sirloin.
Upstairs, an extensive cocktail menu – the espresso martini is a simple but appealing choice – and live music make the raised dance floor all the more enticing if you can lift yourself from the sprawling beds that line one side of the terrace.
Waking up the next morning, the thought of eight hours at Siam Park isn’t one to relish. Until we learn our villa for the day, complete with a jacuzzi, was used by Matt Damon while filming one of the Bourne epics.
Eight hours may seem like a long time but you’ll need every minute to explore an award-winning water park covering 46 acres.
That’s one reason it’s worth paying a little extra and pre-booking a fast pass to get you to the front of the queue for admission and all rides, bar one. And the one it doesn’t – Tower of Power – lasts six seconds and finishes through an aquarium full of sharks – I need those few moments in line to steady myself.
Given a fast pass also allows all you can eat in all but one of the park’s restaurants plus unlimited soft drinks, water and beer, it is worth the daggers thrown your way by visitors patiently queuing.
Besides the rides – Kinnaree was the standout, throwing our fourperson float up a wall only to leave us dangling for an eternity.
Not taking a dip in the Atlantic Ocean would be unusual after coming all this way. Having spent our nights gazing at it, it was only right we enjoyed a catamaran cruise.
The sight of pilot whales made the trip a rewarding one before dropping anchor in a marine reserve to split our time between swimming and visits to the free bar on board.
The sunburn that factor 50 couldn’t prevent makes a visit to the snow cabin in the hotel’s Rock Spa tempting, although a massage manages to ease the pain. Even so, the thought of sitting in snow this winter is a much more appealing one when Tenerife is your backdrop.