MAYNAH! MAYNAH!
Theresa shuffles her Cabinet.. but the Muppet Show goes on with most big names staying put
THERESA May shuffled her Cabinet yesterday – and kept nearly all her Brexit Muppets in place.
Most of the big players stayed put, with Philip “Camilla the Chicken” Hammond continuing as Chancellor and Amber Rudd kept on as Home Secretary.
“Fozzy” Boris Johnson will carry on making a mess of being Foreign Secretary, David Davis will keep going as Brexit Secretary in the same chaotic way that Animal plays the drums, while Michael Gove was kept on as head Gonzo at the Department of Environment.
But no Tory reshuffle script would be complete without a hefty dose of farce – and they didn’t disappoint by bungling the announcement of party chairman.
In a move to match last year’s Oscars fiasco, when La La Land was mistakenly announced as best picture, the Conservatives congratulated Chris Grayling on his appointment on Twitter.
The incompetent Transport Secretary lasted in his new post all of 27 seconds before the party realised the mistake and removed the tweet.
Brandon Lewis, the Immigration Minister, was then announced as the new chairman with James Cleverly named deputy chairman.
Patrick McLoughlin was dumped as chairman, carrying the can for the election ground operation and responsibility for the party conference that culminated in a catastrophic speech by May.
Education Secretary Justine Greening provided the biggest surprise when she quit after turning down Work and Pensions.
She said: “Social mobility matters to me and our country more than a ministerial career.” May was said to be “disappointed” by the decision, which puts a Remain supporter on the back benches with Brexit votes ahead. Esther McVey, dubbed “McVile” for being the cheerleader of the hated bedroom tax on council tenants deemed to have a “spare” room, replaced David Gauke at Work and Pensions.
She had lost her seat in the 2015 election before becoming an MP again last year when she won in George Osborne’s old constituency.
Gauke, in charge of the Universal Credit roll-out, became Justice Secretary – the sixth in eight years – while Damian Hinds took Greening’s old job.
May’s slow shuffle of the pack came unstuck when Jeremy Hunt reportedly refused to move from health to become Business Secretary. Incredibly, he left No10 with social care added to his brief.
Greg Clark, thought to be for the chop, survived at Business.
Justice Secretary David Lidington replaced Damian Green as Cabinet Office minister.
Although Lidington, a former Europe minister, has not succeeded Green as de facto deputy PM, he
will chair most Cabinet Brexit subcommittees and is expected to lead talks with the Scottish Government over the devolution of EU powers.
David Mundell remained as Scottish Secretary, acting as linkman between Lidington and the Scottish Government.
Sajid Javid added housing to his Communities and Local Government brief to emphasise May’s priorities. Andrea Leadsome stays on as Commons leader.
James Brokenshire, who quit as Northern Ireland Secretary because he needs a lung operation, was replaced by Karen Bradley.
Matt Hancock, the former digital minister, was promoted to replace Bradley as Culture Secretary.
Liam Fox was kept on as International Trade Secretary, as was Gavin Williamson at Defence.
Maria Caulfield MP, an antiabortionist, was appointed as the party’s vice-chair for women, causing outrage.
Caulfield led opposition to the campaign to decriminalise abortion last year, arguing that more consideration should be given to the rights of the unborn child.
The British Pregnancy Advice service said it was “incredibly disappointing”.
Most changes were superficial, leading to criticism that May was still prisoner of the pro and antiBrexit factions in the Tory party.
SNP MP Stephen Gethins said: “This prime minister cannot make a move without upsetting one faction of her party – and her authority since her election is being diminished day by day.”
Labour’s shadow Cabinet Office minister Jon Trickett said the prime minister was “simply rearranging the deckchairs in her reshuffle”.
Lib Dem chief whip Alistair Carmichael said: “Theresa May wanted to reassert her authority but has come out of this looking weaker than ever.”