Firms are playing for high steaks

BUSINESS news and Mothercare have issued a profit warning after reporting a big fall in sales over the crucial Christmas trading period.

A spokesman for the company has commented on the results, saying: “Wawawah. I want ma mammy.”

There was some good news, though. They’ve just sold a whole load of plus size nappies to their shareholders.

Elsewhere, Marks & Spencer have revealed that their food sales fell over Christmas.

It’s bad news if you’ve bought financial stakes in the company. It shows that your judgment is as bad as someone who’s bought one of M&S’s daft cauliflower steaks.

Maybe Easter trade will fare better. Nursery manager Natasha Bream has become the first person to unwrap one of Cadbury’s white Creme Eggs, bagging herself £1000 in prize money.

Cadbury have tried to make them harder to find. Something they usually do with chocolate by reducing the size of the bars.

Some of the UK’s largest retailers have agreed to voluntarily stop sales of acids to customers under the age of 18.

Great decision. So from now on if folk want to buy something toxic that could ruin their looks they’ll have to do the same as the rest of us – buy a bottle of fake tan.

Meanwhile, S Club 7’s Paul Cattermole is selling his Brit Award on eBay.

Apparently, it’s lost a lot of its sheen and value. Because it was won by someone in S Club 7.