HAVE YOU FALLEN OUT OF LOVE WITH SEX?
IT’S Valentine’s Day but are you likely to make love with your partner? If the answer is “no”, our questions will help identify the problem – and how to fix it.
The UK is in a sex slump if the latest poll is to be believed, with a third of us claiming we would happily go without sex in favour of a holiday.
If your relationship is struggling in the bedroom, these key questions can help pinpoint the problem.
There are no right or wrong responses – just answer honestly, then see what the experts suggest to help reignite that loving feeling... HOW OFTEN DO YOU ACTUALLY HAVE SEX? Why it’s important: When it comes to sex, the saying “use it or lose it” is true. Research shows the more sex you have, the more you want. One Japanese study found that people who had not had sex for a year had a high chance of never having it again.
But this doesn’t mean you have to be at it every day. Another major study found the happiest partners made love just once a week. FIX IT: “Keep making love – even if it’s only once a month to start with,” said Tracey Cox, relationship expert and author (Traceycox.com).
“Having regular orgasms sets up a craving cycle and within a week your body will automatically expect and want more regular sex.” HOW HEALTHY IS YOUR LIFESTYLE? Why it’s important: Couples in good health and with a decent level of fitness are nearly twice as likely to be interested in sex as they grow older – and also more likely to report having a satisfying sex life, according to a University of Chicago study. FIX IT: Why not make 2018 the year you shape up as a couple – and embark on a diet and fitness programme together?
Counsellor Charlotte Wright said: “Teaming up like this will have the benefit of increasing intimacy. Plus getting fitter and eating healthier food will boost your energy, making sex more fun and less of a chore.” WHEN DID YOU LAST REALLY TALK? Why it’s important: Couples who talk more have more sex but busy lives can mean less one-to-one time with a partner. FIX IT: Real communication takes time and practice but does create better intimacy, which leads to more affection and more likelihood of sex.
Charlotte said: “Ideally a couple should take time to talk every day for at least 10 minutes, sharing what’s happened that day and any bigger issues they need addressing,”
“Tell each other how you’re feeling and be honest about sex. Ask if your partner feels satisfied with your love life and how you can help – and explain about your own needs too.” IS A MEDICAL CONDITION GETTING IN THE WAY? Why it’s important: A 2013 UK study found one in six people say their health affects their sex life, yet three-quarters do not seek advice from a doctor about the problem.
Many illnesses, such as diabetes and prostate cancer, can affect a man’s ability to have and maintain an erection.
While for women the drop in oestrogen at the menopause DO YOU TAKE YOUR PHONE TO BED? Why it’s important: Researchers from Cambridge University have warned that couples are killing the mood by bringing their tablets and phones to bed.
Bond star Daniel Craig credits banning technology from the bedroom as key to keeping his marriage with Rachel Weisz happy.
Charlotte said: “He has a good point. Charge devices in another room and use a proper alarm clock. Use the screen-free bedroom time to talk and reconnect.” can cause loss of sex drive and vaginal dryness.
Depression can cause a slump in libido, while medication – such as for heart disease and diabetes – can also reduce interest in sex. FIX IT: If health problems are stopping you having sex, don’t just accept it, make an appointment to see your GP for a check-up. ARE YOU FEELING THE PRESSURE? Why it’s important: Any stress can cause a drop in libido – even if it seems unrelated to your relationship. FIX IT: Charlotte said: “It’s vital to talk about the problem, so either partner doesn’t feel like they’ve done something wrong. Find ways to relieve stress together – take a long walk or give each other a massage.”
The key is to relax without the pressure to necessarily have sex initially. Booking a night away will give you time out from stress to focus on each other.