It’s taken Eck of a time to get Scotland boss
THE World Chess Federation say their bank accounts have been closed after their president was accused of dealing with Syria. Guess he was rooked. I love how they told him: “Haw, you cannae sign a cheque, mate.” THERE ye go. Alex McLeish has been appointed the new Scotland manager. The most drawn out, painful appointment since my doctor gave me my prostate examination.
Alex says there’s a lot to be positive about. Aye, he gets paid to watch Scotland. The rest of us just have to suffer it for free.
That said, Big Eck is very confident about our position in Europe. Sounds like he should be sorting oot Brexit. Cannae do any worse than Boris Johnson. A man who used a speech to try to build bridges with the European Union. I’m all for it.
Well anything’s better than him travelling across there on a zip wire.
Johnson’s promised that our ability to go on cheap stag and hen dos abroad won’t be affected by Brexit. Although technically there won’t be a need for embarrassing Brits abroad, as he’s already doing such a good job of it.
Boris also tried to reassure voters alienated by Brexit that the UK’s split from the EU is a cause for “hope not fear”. He says we should be fearless. Aye we might be — if yon BoJo wisnae so hopeless.
Back to the fitba, Sky and BT Sport have agreed to pay a staggering £4.5billion to broadcast Premier League football games for three seasons from 2019-20.
Now the bad news. You’ll have to be on a premiership player’s salary to afford their new subscription.
You think that’s scary? Christine Lampard recalled the terrifying moment she and husband Frank were nearly killed by falling scaffolding. It was terrifying. Apparently Frank’s not looked so scared and out of position since he was playing for England with Steven Gerrard. It was also the scariest moment Christine’s ever had – not counting that time John Terry gave her the eye at the Chelsea Christmas night out.
Then what about poor Anna Friel who experienced “unwanted advances” from a shamed Amazon DANNY Dyer’s daughter Dani has revealed that her dad is now teetotal after a rough year.
Danny obviously realised that drink is a depressant.
And who needs those when you’re reading an EastEnders script every day? boss. Obviously the rule is that you automatically reject any approach from an Amazon employee. Unless they’re carrying a box that they want you to sign for.
Scarier still. Donald Trump’s daughterin-law Vanessa was taken to hospital as a precaution when she opened an envelope containing white powder.
To be fair, Trump gets sent white powder every day. Mainly by make-up artists who think his orange face looks ridiculous.
As for Scotland, like most fans I wish McLeish all the best. Trump, Brexit, fitba, it’s all the same. Just a load of balls. ● TAKE Me Out will be screening a 10th anniversary special later this month. Apparently, they’ll be trying to find a new man for someone who’s desperately looking for love... Paddy McGuinness’s wife.