Grown and bear became men be
BACK in 2004, when my sons Callan and Brad were one and three, I began writing a weekly column in the Daily Record, documenting the ups, downs and hazardous laundry baskets of family life.
My remit was simple – with two children under three, my job was to write about the funny, worrying, stressful, happy, bizarre, brilliant and quirky things that happened in our family every week.
I never had to look too far for material.
There was the big meeting with a Hollywood producer that was almost scuppered by a wee boy and a protest situation regarding Buzz Lightyear pull-up pants.
Then came the nursery days, when I wrestled with all those work/stay at home, eat organic/ commando-crawl into McDonalds, Tweenies/Teletubbies dilemmas.
I wrote about their first days at school, their nativity plays and the summer holidays that involved baking buckets of cupcakes, a league of footie sessions and a visit to a chiropractor when I put my back out while teaching Callan to ride a bike.
My annual Christmas debacles made it on to the page every year. And, no, I still haven’t managed to cook an entire yuletide feast without a seismic disaster – but, thankfully, my lovely extended clan still keep coming back.
Our jollies to shores near and far usually had a similar theme of mayhem and bedlam. I may never recover from the staycation to a rain-soaked Loch Tay with four mums, seven sons and 22 wellies.
And our brood are so injuryprone that we began to choose our holidays by locating a fabulous hospital and booking a fortnight all-inclusive at the nearest resort.
Today, daily life is a million miles away from that phone call almost 14 years ago.
My little guys are now hulking athletes who both play basketball for Scotland.
Callan, 17, has been selected for the Scotland men’s squad who will travel to the Commonwealth Games. He left home last year to go bounce a ball down south.
Brad, 15, is still conceding to my pathetic pleas to accompany me to the latest superhero flick. But chances are he’ll follow his brother on the road to independence in the not too distant future – if he can prise my hands off his ankles.
That’s why I jumped at the chance to put together Because I Said So. It’s a collection of my favourite stories, spanning pregnancy, babyhood, toddlerdom, school years (when I changed their names to Low The Elder and Low The Younger to protect their privacy) and the bit when they left home.
Hopefully, whether a mum is in the haze of the nappy years or already has a brood of adult children, they’ll find something in the book that will make them laugh and nod in recognition.
And as for the boys? Hopefully they don’t hold any of the mishaps against me. They made it to adulthood and they’re still talking to me.
Their mother is allowed to be embarrassing.
Everyone has cute childhood memories that make them blush. Although most of theirs do involve pants.
And, obviously, their mamma is always right… Because I Said So.
Hopefully, every mum will find something in the book that will make them laugh