Dear Coleen

CAN’T STOP SCREAMING AT KIDS

WHEN I was growing up, my dad had a terrible temper and would rant and rave at my two sisters and me, and our mum.

I always vowed I’d never be like that with my own kids, but very sadly I’m ashamed to say I have started yelling at them.

I have two boys of three and four and they bicker non-stop.

My husband works long hours, so I’m home alone with them a lot. In the last six months I’ve full-on screamed at the boys over things that afterwards seem quite minor. The other night they were arguing in the bath over a toy. I was tired and stressed and I shouted at them so much I felt like leaving the house and driving off. Once I’d calmed down I felt awful and apologised to them.

I’m often in tears after they go to bed as I feel so bad at how I’ve spoken to them. I’m behaving like my dad did, although he never apologised. How can I stop this? nerves. You’re knackered and they’re fighting over something trivial. It’s normal to go mad occasionally. So don’t think you’re a bad mum.

Most parents will relate to this. When my boys were little, I used to go to bed and cry sometimes as I’d screamed at them in the day. I used to think, “I don’t even like them! What kind of mother am I?” I loved my kids to bits, but they can drive you mad.

Some advice I was given was to leave the room, as long as they’re safe, the minute you feel you’ll explode. Take a few deep breaths for a few minutes. Clear your mind and then go back in and firmly tell them to behave.

And you know what? When I used to go quiet, my boys knew they’d pushed me too far and were terrified.