I CAN’T BEAR MY SEXLESS MARRIAGE

Dear Coleen

I’VE BEEN with my husband for 31 years but I’ve been in a sexless marriage for at least seven of those. We don’t even share the same bed and hardly speak sometimes.

It’s getting to the point where I can hardly look at him because of how I feel about him. There’s no kissing or cuddling either. I’ve tried speaking to him but he doesn’t listen. I just don’t know what to do.

Dear Coleen

MAKE him listen – even if he looks like he’s ignoring you, he’s not. But you need to be clear about how serious this is for you, that you’re desperately unhappy and not prepared to spend the rest of your life feeling like this.

He needs to be honest about his reasons – even if they might hurt you. It could be that he’s simply stopped making the effort because you’ve been together a long time.

Don’t just accept it, though. You could be with someone for the next 10 years – or even be on your own – and they might be the best years of your life.

I’ve said it many times, but there’s no lonelier place to be than in a relationship where there’s no emotional connection and no intimacy. I felt it in my marriage, especially when I’d go out with other couples and it would hit me hard that I didn’t have that connection with my husband, even though I spent nearly every day with him.

When sexual and emotional intimacy is no longer there, lots of people will have the attitude of, “Well, that’s just what happens when you’ve been together for so many years.”

That’s OK if both partners accept it and are fulfilled in other ways but that’s not the situation with you and your husband.

You want more but you can’t rebuild your marriage on your own – he has to be willing. For more info, visit relate.org.uk.