On-off flirty colleague is messing me about

He hooks me in ...then he goes all cold on me

Dear Coleen

A FEW months ago, I started a flirtation with a male colleague. It was clear he was interested in me but I didn’t take it seriously at first because I knew he had a girlfriend.

I started to develop feelings for him after he began sending me messages, and we began hanging out at lunchtimes and had the occasional drink after work.

But nothing happened between us, other than kissing and hugging. There’s just this unspoken thing that we can’t take it any further because of his girlfriend.

However, for a couple of weeks now he’s gone quite cold on me – he’s not messaging me as much and doesn’t call either. At lunchtimes he’s suddenly busy, then out of the blue he’ll email me at work and ask me to meet in his office and we’ll kiss.

I’m totally confused and it’s starting to make me miserable at work, and I usually love my job. I feel annoyed that he’s hooked me in when he clearly has no intention of making our relationship anything more serious. Now I’m in love with him, so when he calls, I go running.

I need to know where I stand and if there’s any hope of us being a proper couple. And I also want to enjoy my job again. Any ideas?

Coleen says

WHY are you letting him control your life and your emotions in this way? Wake up to what he’s doing.

He’s got a girlfriend, he’s leading you on without being clear about how he feels or what his intentions are and, when he snaps his fingers, you (as you admit yourself ) go running. Stop it now. Stop messaging him, focus on the work you love and enjoying your job again and don’t be available to him. The fact is, he’s not available and if he can treat his girlfriend like this by pursuing another woman, then why wouldn’t he do the same to you?

What does all this say about him as a person?

He’s enjoying that he has this power over you and it’s a huge ego boost but you can stop all of it immediately by moving on and focusing on yourself.

You sound like a real catch and there are plenty of wonderful men out there, so don’t spend any more of your time on this shark.

Plus, I’m not sure you’re really in love with him. You might think you are because he’s “hooked you in” but I don’t think it’ll take you long to get over him.

Don’t let him manipulate you any more, admit you made a mistake getting involved with him and move on to better things.