A magnificent seven of hilarious British TV comedy classics
1 THE TWO RONNIES: MASTERMIND
This sketch from 1980 is one of the finest pieces of comedy ever written and performed.
Ronnie Barker is the quizmaster and Ronnie Corbett is sitting in the famous black chair.
The twist is that Corbett is giving the answer to the question before. RB: Complete the quotation, “To be or not to be...” RC: They’re both the same. RB: Correct. What is Bernard Manning famous for? RC: That is the question. RB: : Correct. Who is the present Archbishop of Canterbury? RC: He’s a fat man who tells blue jokes.
2 LITTLE BRITAIN: LOU & ANDY GO DIVING
Some sketches from the Little Britain pairing of David Walliams and Matt Lucas have stood the test of time better than others.
Of all the Lou and Andy sketches I’ve gone for this one because it has the most jeopardy.
You’re on the edge of your seat as Andy (Lucas) really pushes his luck by climbing to the top board, performing a dive and swimming back to his wheelchair.
But poor Lou (Walliams) remains oblivious throughout.
3 MORECAMBE & WISE: BREAKFAST
There’s a reason why a far-from-HDquality sketch from 1976 has had over a million hits on YouTube. It is timeless comedy.
You could show it to any age group and they’d all laugh along – although if the kids are watching you might want to gloss over the choice of music being The Stripper.
Eric and Ernie’s timing in this musical sketch – based on an effort by Benny Hill – is just about perfect.
They hit every beat and somehow manage to make iconic comedy out of sausages, fruit, toast, eggs and a pot of tea. And you don’t get that on Saturday Night Takeaway.
4 FRENCH & SAUNDERS: SILENCE OF THE LAMBS
It was a toss up between this, their brilliant spoof of Misery and their wonderful parody of Shakespears Sister’s video for Stay.
This one just wins, mainly because I have never been able to watch the original movie again without thinking of A) Dawn French’s Hannibal Lecter face; B) Jennifer Saunders’ incredible Jodie Foster impression; and C) The parade of light entertainment legends – including Bernie Clifton and his ostrich, Christopher Biggins and The Krankies – that occupy the nearby cells. Best bit? Dawn: “What did The Krankies just say to you?” Jennifer: (pause) “They said fandabidozi.”
5 MONTY PYTHON: ARGUMENT
Yes, the Dead Parrot sketch, the Lumberjack Song and The Four Yorkshiremen are classics. However, if you cannot appreciate that the Argument sketch is their finest work you don’t know you’re born.
Cleese, Palin and co imagined a clinic where you are verbally abused – like an early version of Twitter.
Palin: If I didn’t pay, why are you arguing? Aha! Gotcha!
Cleese: No you haven’t! P: Yes I have! If you’re arguing, I must have paid. C: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time. P: Oh, I’ve had enough of this! C: (pause) No you haven’t.
6 COMIC RELIEF: SMITHY TO THE RESCUE
In 2011 James Corden (as Smithy from Gavin & Stacey) had his first crack at Carpool Karaoke.
George Michael was in the passenger seat and had the best timing. James had all the best lines, though, including this zinger after George accused him of making him wait in the car because he was gay: “It’s because you’re a joke, George. It’s embarrassing. I can’t walk into Comic Relief with you. Comic Relief is about helping people LIKE you.”
7 HARRY ENFIELD’S TELEVISION PROGRAMME: THE SCOUSERS’ WEDDING
Most Liverpudlians realised these sketches were done with affection. This one begins with Ga, Ba and Te fighting over who the best man is and ends with the actor who played Barry in Brookside announcing: “And now, would you all kindly take to the dancefloor for the fighting.”
My favourite bit is when the priest reveals Te’s full name: “Terald John Paul George Ringo Bleasdale Scouser, do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?”