Luss hear it for the new Earl and Countess of Dumbarton

AWEEK later and the biggest surprise about the Royal Wedding? They’re still not divorced and Prince Philip hasn’t tried to deport one of the in-laws.

Aye, millions ogled the wedding of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle waiting for the answer to the all important question of the day... “What time does the fitba start?”

It’s been seven days now and, somewhere in Windsor, that mad American preacher is still only halfway through his sermon.

Bishop Michael Curry said he wanted us all to feel closer to God. By the time he was done, half the folk watching looked closer to death.

Most viewers watched the festivities in HD. It meant the ceremony looked the same but the reception was better.

Talking of the reception, tennis legend Serena Williams has revealed she wore trainers underneath her dress for Prince Harry and Meghan’s after-party.

She didn’t mean to, but she heard a sponsor’s voice inside her head saying: “Just Do It”.

Celebrity guests included Oprah Winfrey, the Clooneys and the Beckhams.

Victoria Beckham was kept away from the custard trifles at the buffet. It was a precaution, as her coupon on the day looked like it could turn milk sour.

All the guests were searched on the way in for security reasons.

Fair enough, they wanted to make sure James Blunt didn’t frighten anyone by smuggling his guitar in.

It’s been claimed that Meghan will spend six months listening to a palace aide to learn how to be an effective royal.

And, for what not to do, she’ll just spend six minutes with Fergie.

The much talked-about dress cost £200,000. Which is so cheap in royal terms, it’s like getting it in the sale at TK Maxx.

The train is thought to have cost £50,000 alone, which won’t come as a surprise to anyone who’s tried to buy a rail ticket lately.

Mind you, it wasn’t all plain sailing. A German company had to apologise after posting an image of a chocolate-covered marshmallow in a bridal dress on the big day. It could have been worse. They nearly put a packet of ginger nuts inside it.

My personal highlight is that Harry and Meghan are now the Earl and Countess of Dumbarton.

Which means they’ll have their honeymoon in Luss and take a day trip to the River City set.